Isn't it ironic that when we're experiencing the highest degree of material suffering, anxiety and despair that we have an increased interest in chanting the Holy Name of Sri Krishna? Isn't Queen Kunti our ideal in the way that she prayed to Sri Krishna for more and more calamities and suffering if it would be the cause of her remembering Krishna? It's a fact that when we're suffering we naturally cry out for help. But what about those times when the suffering and distractions are so great that it actually has the reverse effect? In other words, what if our suffering causes us to lose faith in Krishna and in chanting the Holy Name?
Sometimes when everything is going wrong and you're completely bogged down by the weight of material responsibilities and obligations there's no time and no room to think of Krishna. More importantly there's no interest in chanting Krishna's Holy Names. If we've spent all day at work dealing with difficult people and we come home and have to clean and cook and spend time with our family, then by the evening time we just want to lay down and "space out" by watching TV or surfing the Internet. But why isn't our relaxation time filled with chanting the Holy Name and connecting with Krishna? Why do we have no interest for that after being bombarded by the material energy all day long?
The thing that is so difficult for us to grasp is that it's really only the Holy Name and the nine processes of bhakti that will help us! Our favorite TV show won't help us. Our favorite flavor of ice cream won't help us. Facebook won't help us. All of these material distractions will simply be that: distractions. It will momentarily divert us from the suffering we experienced during the day, but it's just like any other sense gratification in the mode of the passion: in the beginning it's pleasurable, but in the end it's the cause of further misery and suffering.
Our only cure and our only shelter is the Holy Name of Sri Krishna. But we're resistant. We don't want to surrender to the Name. We don't want to sit for an hour or two chanting on our beads. We don't want to spend an hour or two reading the Srimad Bhagavatam. We think, "How will that possibly help my situation? How will that possibly make me happy right now?"
The fact is that the more time we spend absorbed in our illusory, temporary problems and miseries and false identities, the more and more miserable we'll become. It's a fact. The happiest people in the world are those that spend more time thinking about and assisting others rather than them selves. My guru maharaja tried to hammer this point into my thick skull over and over again, but I was (and still am) so dull that I can't grasp it, can't appreciate it. By taking the time to chant the Holy Name and read the sastras, we're taking the focus off of our self. We're making it about Krishna's pleasure, not our own. And as conditioned jivas with demonic propensities, that's a difficult pill to swallow. "Krishna's pleasure? Guru's pleasure? Preposterous!"
So here I am in my own particular experience and existence, facing the onslaught of the material energy. There is so much stress to face from work, school, relationships, our health, etc. Everyone has their own individualized "suffering plan" and everyone's level of suffering is subjective. In other words, someone may think my suffering is not so bad compared to a starving child in Africa, but given the context and circumstances of the situations, the stress levels can be the same. Stress and suffering are all around us and every living entity is suffering to some degree or another. If we want to end the suffering, we have to end the illusion. To end the illusion we have to chant the Holy Name of Krishna. It's the only means of developing our detachment from this temporary, material identity and developing our attachment to our eternal, spiritual self in relation to God (Krishna).
For some reason we go on in the illusion, go on in our suffering, accepting it as the only reality, the only truth. But when we genuinely transcend our lower, material nature and transcend the platform of the mind, we find the real truth and that truth is beautiful. We get so caught up in the day to day, in our individual "suffering plans" that we forget this is all temporary and not our real, permanent situation.
Krishna is sitting here right next to us. He's simply waiting for us to turn towards Him and call out His Holy Name. But we're so stubborn, lazy and unfortunate that we can't even muster the desire to do so.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
What Would Rupa Goswami Do?
I feel like I haven't written in this blog in ages. My life has been a blur of activity: work, school, house-sitting, hospitalization for a migraine, social functions, etc. these past couple of months. Even now I'm dealing with my old arch-nemesis: a sinus infection/head cold. Somehow through it all I've still been trying to think of Krishna and devotional service.
When we came back from Sri Vrindavan Dhama I was riding the high horse of inspiration and enthusiasm. I had re-acquired that rare and elusive taste for chanting the Holy Name and had again taken up the chanting of 16 rounds a day. It lasted a good month or month and a half before the madness of work and school caught up with me. At times it was a challenge, as I would find myself sitting up late at night trying to finish all of my rounds, but I had a deep conviction that inspired me to do it. I was feeling reciprocation from Sri Guru and Sri Gauranga through devotional dreams at night.
But it's been gone for awhile now and I'm back in the same funk and struggle. Work at the Staples copy center has been a new hell unlike any hell I have had to experience in quite some time. Granted, it's not as hellish as the experience of getting malaria in Nigeria, but it's an emotional stressor for sure. I don't even want to get into why it's so stressful, but just imagine non-stop people coming up to you with demands and getting angry at you when you can't fulfill their demands instantaneously. It's one person with their demands after another.
So anyway, there's all of that stress from work. Fortunately this school semester has been one of my lightest loads thus far in my academic career and my co-op teaching has been a better experience than last semester. So I'm grateful for that. I don't know why I'm such an easily stressed out person. I like when things are predictable and uneventful. I like when there's nothing to do. I like staying at home and being indoors. I like habit and routine. I guess that's why I get so stressed out when there's a lot of change or inconveniences.
Anyway, all of that to say that's why I haven't been blogging much. It's one of those things that isn't really a priority in my life at this time. But here I sit in the library with about an hour to spare (we got out of class early) and figured this was as good a time as any to finally write something.
I wanted to talk about this photo image that I created in Photoshop:
I took it from the famous image of Srila Rupa Goswami. A devotees initial response may be, "Well this is totally offensive! What blasphemy! What sacrilege!" But my intention behind this image isn't offensiveness. It's to trigger within us the thought, "Rupa Goswami would never watch TV, listen to an iPod and drink Starbucks!" We instantly and instinctually know, "This isn't proper Vaishnava behavior." It's an incompatible image with our knowledge of Rupa Goswami. At the same time, we have to question why isn't it an incompatible consideration when we see one of our devotee peers engaging in such activity?
This of course brings us to the main reflection of this post: the expectations of the various levels of Vaishnava devotees. We know there are kanisthas, madhyamas and uttamas. There are different kinds of devotees at different levels of realization and advancement. As progressive, aspiring devotees we have to constantly analyze where we are and where we're heading. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur has written the poem "Vaishnava Ke? (What kind of Vaishnava are you?)", which you can read in its entirety here:
http://nitaaiveda.com/All_Scriptures_By_Acharyas/Bhaktisiddhanta_Sarasvati_Thakura/Vaishnava_Ke.htm
At one point in the poem, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta says:
"The pure devotee acts in Krishna consciousness without attachment to the objects of the senses, remaining conscious of his relationship as the eternal servitor of Lord Krishna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. The pure devotee is fixed in his attachment to rendering pure devotional service to the Lord and thus he sees all apparently material objects of sense enjoyment as non-different divine energies of Lord Madhava (Krishna), ie. they are seen in terms of how they can be utilized in the devotional service to Lord Madhava (Krishna) and not according to their material sense-gratificatory value."
This is of course the highest level of devotional service (uttama-adhikari). As an eternal associate of the Lord, we know that Srila Rupa Goswami, if he were manifest today, would have nothing to do with watching TV (unless perhaps it had some connection with serving and giving pleasure to Krishna and the devotees).
This is the entire crux of our problem as neophyte devotees: we rarely perform activities for the service of Sri Guru and Sri Krishna and ever rarer are our thoughts focused on the pleasure of Guru and Krishna. This is why there is a disconnect between our material activities/thoughts and our devotional activities/thoughts. We're still doing things based on personal sense-gratification and not on selfless seva. There is still too much of our selves in the factor.
We then develop this sort of split-personality. We have our devotional selves and our materialist selves and we switch back and forth between these roles depending on the need and the situation. At devotee functions or programs we turn into the "Jaya, Haribol prabhu!" personality and when we're working at our karmi jobs we become "one of the guys or gals" and talk about mundane topics. When we're inspired we chant our rounds (or a couple) and read the Srimad Bhagavatam, but when we become bored of it, we watch a non-devotional movie or eat some (bhoga) corn chips or listen to a Neil Diamond song. We're too back-and-forth in our consciousness and our desires.
Obviously this is from being in the lower stages of devotional service. There is weakness of faith, weakness of heart and weakness of enthusiasm. That has to come from the higher association, but our will is so weak that it's hard to even muster the strength or desire to search out higher association. We become complacent and lazy in our stagnation and we see no urgency, no need to move beyond it.
Death is sneaking up on all of us. Time is passing by relentlessly. Yet we get so caught up in the stressors and anxieties of the (illusory) present that we forget this life isn't the all-in-all. We forget that our temporary families, friends, work, money, jobs, etc. will all be gone in the blink of an eye. They are not the goal. They're just traveling along with us on the path towards eternity and genuine love for God.
So when we look at that image of Srila Rupa Goswami watching TV, drinking Starbucks and listening to an iPod we can say to ourselves, "That's not the ideal. Srila Rupa Goswami wouldn't do these things. I should also aspire for that state of consciousness where these things are unnecessary distractions to that flow of loving and serving Krishna. I should aspire for that level where Srila Rupa Goswami resides: in pure, unconditional, unmotivated loving devotional service."
Of course that's not to say that these things can't be utilized in the service of Krishna. TV can be used to watch Krishna Conscious programs or to broadcast Krishna Conscious messages. An iPod can be filled with Srila Prabhupada's lectures and various devotional bhajans and videos. And Starbucks can be used to...well, uh...hmm...maybe it could help keep a devotee awake late at night as they're driving the sankirtan van. :^) The point is that it's all about our consciousness and intention behind the activity.
So this is pretty much where I'm at in my "Krishna Consciousness" at the moment. I'm back to the struggle of finding my devotional self. I'm back to the struggle of supremacy between my material self and my devotional self. I'm back to the struggle of finding some taste in chanting the Holy Name. I'm back to the struggle of trying to break out of my stagnation and complacency/apathy.
He Krishna! He Nitai! He Gurudeva! Please don't let me get lost in the mire of worldly, self-centered existence!
My dear Srila Rupa Goswami, please give me a drop of your mercy and lead me to the path of pure, selfless devotion. That devotion is your wealth and property. With a drop of your mercy I can push aside all of these unnecessary distractions and impediments and come to the stage of unmotivated, uninterrupted devotional service. This is the greatest goal and the greatest wealth in all of existence. Without the mercy of the Vaishnavas this will be impossible to attain.
When we came back from Sri Vrindavan Dhama I was riding the high horse of inspiration and enthusiasm. I had re-acquired that rare and elusive taste for chanting the Holy Name and had again taken up the chanting of 16 rounds a day. It lasted a good month or month and a half before the madness of work and school caught up with me. At times it was a challenge, as I would find myself sitting up late at night trying to finish all of my rounds, but I had a deep conviction that inspired me to do it. I was feeling reciprocation from Sri Guru and Sri Gauranga through devotional dreams at night.
But it's been gone for awhile now and I'm back in the same funk and struggle. Work at the Staples copy center has been a new hell unlike any hell I have had to experience in quite some time. Granted, it's not as hellish as the experience of getting malaria in Nigeria, but it's an emotional stressor for sure. I don't even want to get into why it's so stressful, but just imagine non-stop people coming up to you with demands and getting angry at you when you can't fulfill their demands instantaneously. It's one person with their demands after another.
So anyway, there's all of that stress from work. Fortunately this school semester has been one of my lightest loads thus far in my academic career and my co-op teaching has been a better experience than last semester. So I'm grateful for that. I don't know why I'm such an easily stressed out person. I like when things are predictable and uneventful. I like when there's nothing to do. I like staying at home and being indoors. I like habit and routine. I guess that's why I get so stressed out when there's a lot of change or inconveniences.
Anyway, all of that to say that's why I haven't been blogging much. It's one of those things that isn't really a priority in my life at this time. But here I sit in the library with about an hour to spare (we got out of class early) and figured this was as good a time as any to finally write something.
I wanted to talk about this photo image that I created in Photoshop:
I took it from the famous image of Srila Rupa Goswami. A devotees initial response may be, "Well this is totally offensive! What blasphemy! What sacrilege!" But my intention behind this image isn't offensiveness. It's to trigger within us the thought, "Rupa Goswami would never watch TV, listen to an iPod and drink Starbucks!" We instantly and instinctually know, "This isn't proper Vaishnava behavior." It's an incompatible image with our knowledge of Rupa Goswami. At the same time, we have to question why isn't it an incompatible consideration when we see one of our devotee peers engaging in such activity?This of course brings us to the main reflection of this post: the expectations of the various levels of Vaishnava devotees. We know there are kanisthas, madhyamas and uttamas. There are different kinds of devotees at different levels of realization and advancement. As progressive, aspiring devotees we have to constantly analyze where we are and where we're heading. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur has written the poem "Vaishnava Ke? (What kind of Vaishnava are you?)", which you can read in its entirety here:
http://nitaaiveda.com/All_Scriptures_By_Acharyas/Bhaktisiddhanta_Sarasvati_Thakura/Vaishnava_Ke.htm
At one point in the poem, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta says:
"The pure devotee acts in Krishna consciousness without attachment to the objects of the senses, remaining conscious of his relationship as the eternal servitor of Lord Krishna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. The pure devotee is fixed in his attachment to rendering pure devotional service to the Lord and thus he sees all apparently material objects of sense enjoyment as non-different divine energies of Lord Madhava (Krishna), ie. they are seen in terms of how they can be utilized in the devotional service to Lord Madhava (Krishna) and not according to their material sense-gratificatory value."
This is of course the highest level of devotional service (uttama-adhikari). As an eternal associate of the Lord, we know that Srila Rupa Goswami, if he were manifest today, would have nothing to do with watching TV (unless perhaps it had some connection with serving and giving pleasure to Krishna and the devotees).
This is the entire crux of our problem as neophyte devotees: we rarely perform activities for the service of Sri Guru and Sri Krishna and ever rarer are our thoughts focused on the pleasure of Guru and Krishna. This is why there is a disconnect between our material activities/thoughts and our devotional activities/thoughts. We're still doing things based on personal sense-gratification and not on selfless seva. There is still too much of our selves in the factor.
We then develop this sort of split-personality. We have our devotional selves and our materialist selves and we switch back and forth between these roles depending on the need and the situation. At devotee functions or programs we turn into the "Jaya, Haribol prabhu!" personality and when we're working at our karmi jobs we become "one of the guys or gals" and talk about mundane topics. When we're inspired we chant our rounds (or a couple) and read the Srimad Bhagavatam, but when we become bored of it, we watch a non-devotional movie or eat some (bhoga) corn chips or listen to a Neil Diamond song. We're too back-and-forth in our consciousness and our desires.
Obviously this is from being in the lower stages of devotional service. There is weakness of faith, weakness of heart and weakness of enthusiasm. That has to come from the higher association, but our will is so weak that it's hard to even muster the strength or desire to search out higher association. We become complacent and lazy in our stagnation and we see no urgency, no need to move beyond it.
Death is sneaking up on all of us. Time is passing by relentlessly. Yet we get so caught up in the stressors and anxieties of the (illusory) present that we forget this life isn't the all-in-all. We forget that our temporary families, friends, work, money, jobs, etc. will all be gone in the blink of an eye. They are not the goal. They're just traveling along with us on the path towards eternity and genuine love for God.
So when we look at that image of Srila Rupa Goswami watching TV, drinking Starbucks and listening to an iPod we can say to ourselves, "That's not the ideal. Srila Rupa Goswami wouldn't do these things. I should also aspire for that state of consciousness where these things are unnecessary distractions to that flow of loving and serving Krishna. I should aspire for that level where Srila Rupa Goswami resides: in pure, unconditional, unmotivated loving devotional service."
Of course that's not to say that these things can't be utilized in the service of Krishna. TV can be used to watch Krishna Conscious programs or to broadcast Krishna Conscious messages. An iPod can be filled with Srila Prabhupada's lectures and various devotional bhajans and videos. And Starbucks can be used to...well, uh...hmm...maybe it could help keep a devotee awake late at night as they're driving the sankirtan van. :^) The point is that it's all about our consciousness and intention behind the activity.
So this is pretty much where I'm at in my "Krishna Consciousness" at the moment. I'm back to the struggle of finding my devotional self. I'm back to the struggle of supremacy between my material self and my devotional self. I'm back to the struggle of finding some taste in chanting the Holy Name. I'm back to the struggle of trying to break out of my stagnation and complacency/apathy.
He Krishna! He Nitai! He Gurudeva! Please don't let me get lost in the mire of worldly, self-centered existence!
My dear Srila Rupa Goswami, please give me a drop of your mercy and lead me to the path of pure, selfless devotion. That devotion is your wealth and property. With a drop of your mercy I can push aside all of these unnecessary distractions and impediments and come to the stage of unmotivated, uninterrupted devotional service. This is the greatest goal and the greatest wealth in all of existence. Without the mercy of the Vaishnavas this will be impossible to attain.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
What the Kermit...?!
"A global team of researchers has estimated that the international trade in frog meat represents 200 million to 1 billion frogs eaten each year, or about 11,000 tons of frog meat."
So that's what's been bothering Kermit so much! That little factoid came from this article:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28876555/wid/18298287/?GT1=45002
1,000,000,000 frogs...killed and eaten every year. Say whaaaat?! I don't really have any profound Krishna Conscious realizations on this. It's just crazy and I had to share it.
I currently have no time to blog, but if I did these are the topics I'd write about (as I get ideas I jot them down onto a piece of paper):
1. "Our Eternal Business" - Examining what our real business is here in the material world, which incidentally isn't working at a retail office supply store.
2. "When Krishna Becomes Our Necessity" - So many other things in life become so-called necessities, when in reality they're just temporary distractions from our main purpose and goal in life. When Krishna becomes our main necessity, all other things fall into place.
3. "Japa Irony" - Japa is supposed to be the easy process and path to Krishna-prema, but then why is it so hard and so many devotees struggle with it?! And why are there tons of seminars, workshops and books about the topic of improving japa if it's supposed to be so easy and sublime? Seems like hard work to me. In this blog musing I would analyze both sides of the japa bead.
4. "That Which We Do Not Speak Of" - This blog entry would have a disclaimer at the top that if you don't want to talk about sex, then don't continue reading. This is an entry I've been wanting to write for months now, ever since I started this thing. I even have images that I made in Photoshop a long time ago to use for this entry. It'd basically be all about sex and being a devotee.
5. "The Great Coffee Debacle" - A look at devotees' justifications for following some regs and not others. What's the psychology behind it? And if we break one reg, what keeps us from breaking the others?
6. "Cultivating the Internal" - Sometimes we get caught up in the externals of the devotional process to the point that our internal cultivation becomes stagnate or non-existent. Without genuine, internal cultivation of surrender, selflessness and devotional consciousness we will very easily fall from the path of bhakti. Being a true Vaishnava isn't just about wearing a dhoti or sari, wearing tilak and saying, "Jaya. Haribol, prabhu". It's about a transformation of the heart and consciousness.
7. "Even Heidi Klum's Farts Stink" - This could possibly be interrelated with the sex topic, as it's a look at the superficial nature of material beauty and the reality that lies beneath.
8. "The Nectar for Which We Are Always Anxious" - We all want pleasure and sense gratification, yet no matter how much we indulge in it and give in to the mind's and senses' demands, we find ourselves empty and miserable. So why do we still settle for it? And what will really satisfy us on a deeper level?
As you can see, it could take me days to write all of these. I just don't have the time to sit and write, write, write. And when I do have the time, I don't have the motivation. Such a paradox. Ah, well. Let us just go on chanting Hare Krishna.
So that's what's been bothering Kermit so much! That little factoid came from this article:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28876555/wid/18298287/?GT1=45002
1,000,000,000 frogs...killed and eaten every year. Say whaaaat?! I don't really have any profound Krishna Conscious realizations on this. It's just crazy and I had to share it.
I currently have no time to blog, but if I did these are the topics I'd write about (as I get ideas I jot them down onto a piece of paper):
1. "Our Eternal Business" - Examining what our real business is here in the material world, which incidentally isn't working at a retail office supply store.
2. "When Krishna Becomes Our Necessity" - So many other things in life become so-called necessities, when in reality they're just temporary distractions from our main purpose and goal in life. When Krishna becomes our main necessity, all other things fall into place.
3. "Japa Irony" - Japa is supposed to be the easy process and path to Krishna-prema, but then why is it so hard and so many devotees struggle with it?! And why are there tons of seminars, workshops and books about the topic of improving japa if it's supposed to be so easy and sublime? Seems like hard work to me. In this blog musing I would analyze both sides of the japa bead.
4. "That Which We Do Not Speak Of" - This blog entry would have a disclaimer at the top that if you don't want to talk about sex, then don't continue reading. This is an entry I've been wanting to write for months now, ever since I started this thing. I even have images that I made in Photoshop a long time ago to use for this entry. It'd basically be all about sex and being a devotee.
5. "The Great Coffee Debacle" - A look at devotees' justifications for following some regs and not others. What's the psychology behind it? And if we break one reg, what keeps us from breaking the others?
6. "Cultivating the Internal" - Sometimes we get caught up in the externals of the devotional process to the point that our internal cultivation becomes stagnate or non-existent. Without genuine, internal cultivation of surrender, selflessness and devotional consciousness we will very easily fall from the path of bhakti. Being a true Vaishnava isn't just about wearing a dhoti or sari, wearing tilak and saying, "Jaya. Haribol, prabhu". It's about a transformation of the heart and consciousness.
7. "Even Heidi Klum's Farts Stink" - This could possibly be interrelated with the sex topic, as it's a look at the superficial nature of material beauty and the reality that lies beneath.
8. "The Nectar for Which We Are Always Anxious" - We all want pleasure and sense gratification, yet no matter how much we indulge in it and give in to the mind's and senses' demands, we find ourselves empty and miserable. So why do we still settle for it? And what will really satisfy us on a deeper level?
As you can see, it could take me days to write all of these. I just don't have the time to sit and write, write, write. And when I do have the time, I don't have the motivation. Such a paradox. Ah, well. Let us just go on chanting Hare Krishna.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Back to the Struggle
So we made it back from Sri Vrindavan Dhama in one piece. No terrorist attacks, no monkey attacks; not even attacks from the mind. But now that we're back "home" here in America, I find the same struggles that I had before we left resurfacing.
When one is in the Holy Dhama, Krishna Consciousness comes so much easier. The atmosphere is surcharged with devotion and transcendence. It's so much easier to rise early in the morning, to chant your rounds, to think about Krishna and to be eager to perform some kind of service. But back here in America I find my mind being lazy, wanting to sleep, wanting to aimlessly wander around the internet (preferably looking for pornographic images), wanting to watch TV and movies, wanting to listen to mundane music, wanting to eat bhoga, etc. And there are so many more distractions from the internet, television, job, bills, court appearances, school, etc. For example, I'm losing my job at Office Depot, because they're closing 120 stores nationwide and 32 stores in our district. So now I have to worry about finding a new job and in today's economic market, it's much more difficult to find companies that are hiring. So I have to fill out application after application and spend so much time and energy in trying to get a new job. It's energy and time that is being diverted from chanting my rounds, reading the sastras and thinking about Krishna.
Of course we may say, "Well isn't looking for a job simply part of the service as a grihasta?" And I suppose if we had that consciousness then it could be seen as devotional service. I'm looking for a job not for my own sense gratification, but rather because it's a necessary part of being a grihasta, i.e. - working and making money to help support the family, the family which belongs to Krishna. Okay, so I'll give you that, but all I'm saying is that it's one more distraction from being able to wholly and solely think about Krishna and to engage in direct devotional service.
And this is where I have trouble translating or transposing the experiences in the Holy Dhama back to my so-called real life here in America. When you're in the Holy Dhama there's nothing else to do but to chant and think about Krishna. I suppose if we lived there permanently then there would be more concern about maintenance and how we were going to survive, but even then there's a simplicity to it that's missing in America. We met this one devotee couple that were living a self-sustained existence by growing their own fruits and vegetables and stockpiling grains for the year. It was a living example of Srila Prabhupada's saying, "Simple living, high thinking". They didn't have TV or internet or mp3 players (although I think they had cell phones), but they were happy and content. It seems the more we simplify our lives, the happier we'll become.
But do we really want to live simply? Are we willing to give up our material comforts, technology and gadgets so that we can live a more Krishna-centered, Krishna conscious lifestyle? It really all seems to come down to desire. And desire is cultivated through association. The more we associate with the material modes of energy and non-devotional ways of thinking and acting, the more our desires for material comfort and sense gratification will increase. And conversely, the more we associate with devotees, the Holy Name and the sastras, the more our desires for Krishna Consciousness will increase. We truly are tatashta-shakti, marginal potency, trapped between the material and spiritual energies. It's a constant struggle back and forth between our lower and higher nature; our devotional (selfless) propensities vs. our demonic (selfish) propensities.
So here we are, back to the struggle, no longer sheltered by the transcendent atmosphere of Sri Vrindavan Dhama. Here I am, confronted with the choice to chant my rounds or not, to read the sastras or not, to watch TV or not, to give into the desires for sense gratification or not. I suppose as marginal potency, these choices are always there with us, but while I was in Sri Vrindavan Dhama the choice seemed so clear, so obvious, so beautiful and perfect: Krishna. And again, that's the power of the Holy Dhama. All we have to do there is become absorbed in the atmosphere and the Holy Name and Krishna will reveal Himself.
O, Gurudeva! I am so tiny and so insignificant. I am so weak and helpless against the Lord's illusory energy. I have no ability to over come it on my own. It is only through your mercy that I have any hope of remaining fixed in devotional service. Please give me the spiritual strength to remain fixed on your lotus feet and the lotus feet of Krishna. There is nothing else in this world worth mediating on.
O, Nitai! Your mercy is my only shelter and my only hope. Please transform this lowly servant's consciousness and purify my heart so that Krishna may reside there eternally. I am full of lust, envy, pride, anger and false ego. In this condition I will never be able to attain Sri Vrindavan Dhama. O, Nitai! By Your causeless mercy You can kick away all of these faults and impurities and allow me to become a genuine Vaishnava. This is my prayer and my hope. Please give Your mercy to me!
When one is in the Holy Dhama, Krishna Consciousness comes so much easier. The atmosphere is surcharged with devotion and transcendence. It's so much easier to rise early in the morning, to chant your rounds, to think about Krishna and to be eager to perform some kind of service. But back here in America I find my mind being lazy, wanting to sleep, wanting to aimlessly wander around the internet (preferably looking for pornographic images), wanting to watch TV and movies, wanting to listen to mundane music, wanting to eat bhoga, etc. And there are so many more distractions from the internet, television, job, bills, court appearances, school, etc. For example, I'm losing my job at Office Depot, because they're closing 120 stores nationwide and 32 stores in our district. So now I have to worry about finding a new job and in today's economic market, it's much more difficult to find companies that are hiring. So I have to fill out application after application and spend so much time and energy in trying to get a new job. It's energy and time that is being diverted from chanting my rounds, reading the sastras and thinking about Krishna.
Of course we may say, "Well isn't looking for a job simply part of the service as a grihasta?" And I suppose if we had that consciousness then it could be seen as devotional service. I'm looking for a job not for my own sense gratification, but rather because it's a necessary part of being a grihasta, i.e. - working and making money to help support the family, the family which belongs to Krishna. Okay, so I'll give you that, but all I'm saying is that it's one more distraction from being able to wholly and solely think about Krishna and to engage in direct devotional service.
And this is where I have trouble translating or transposing the experiences in the Holy Dhama back to my so-called real life here in America. When you're in the Holy Dhama there's nothing else to do but to chant and think about Krishna. I suppose if we lived there permanently then there would be more concern about maintenance and how we were going to survive, but even then there's a simplicity to it that's missing in America. We met this one devotee couple that were living a self-sustained existence by growing their own fruits and vegetables and stockpiling grains for the year. It was a living example of Srila Prabhupada's saying, "Simple living, high thinking". They didn't have TV or internet or mp3 players (although I think they had cell phones), but they were happy and content. It seems the more we simplify our lives, the happier we'll become.
But do we really want to live simply? Are we willing to give up our material comforts, technology and gadgets so that we can live a more Krishna-centered, Krishna conscious lifestyle? It really all seems to come down to desire. And desire is cultivated through association. The more we associate with the material modes of energy and non-devotional ways of thinking and acting, the more our desires for material comfort and sense gratification will increase. And conversely, the more we associate with devotees, the Holy Name and the sastras, the more our desires for Krishna Consciousness will increase. We truly are tatashta-shakti, marginal potency, trapped between the material and spiritual energies. It's a constant struggle back and forth between our lower and higher nature; our devotional (selfless) propensities vs. our demonic (selfish) propensities.
So here we are, back to the struggle, no longer sheltered by the transcendent atmosphere of Sri Vrindavan Dhama. Here I am, confronted with the choice to chant my rounds or not, to read the sastras or not, to watch TV or not, to give into the desires for sense gratification or not. I suppose as marginal potency, these choices are always there with us, but while I was in Sri Vrindavan Dhama the choice seemed so clear, so obvious, so beautiful and perfect: Krishna. And again, that's the power of the Holy Dhama. All we have to do there is become absorbed in the atmosphere and the Holy Name and Krishna will reveal Himself.
O, Gurudeva! I am so tiny and so insignificant. I am so weak and helpless against the Lord's illusory energy. I have no ability to over come it on my own. It is only through your mercy that I have any hope of remaining fixed in devotional service. Please give me the spiritual strength to remain fixed on your lotus feet and the lotus feet of Krishna. There is nothing else in this world worth mediating on.
O, Nitai! Your mercy is my only shelter and my only hope. Please transform this lowly servant's consciousness and purify my heart so that Krishna may reside there eternally. I am full of lust, envy, pride, anger and false ego. In this condition I will never be able to attain Sri Vrindavan Dhama. O, Nitai! By Your causeless mercy You can kick away all of these faults and impurities and allow me to become a genuine Vaishnava. This is my prayer and my hope. Please give Your mercy to me!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Material Fear and Anxiety
In connection with our upcoming trip to Sri Vrindavan Dhama, some people have expressed concern about traveling to India after the recent terrorist attacks in Mumbai. If someone really thinks about it, though, the logic is quite faulty. It's like someone is Europe saying, "We should never go to anywhere in America again, because once there was a terrorist attack in New York City"! The fact is that terrorism, calamities, accidents and death can happen anywhere and at anytime. Every time we get into a car we're facing the possibility of an accident or death.
So does that mean we stay locked inside of our houses and never do anything due to fear and anxiety about what bad things could happen? Even if we stayed inside of our house we could be struck with a heart attack and die instantly. There's no fool-proof escape from death. Just as in the movie "Final Destination", they tried to alter their destiny or fate in so many ways to avoid death, but in the end death always found a way to get them. Death is an inevitable part of life.
We have two ways to deal with the reality of death. We can A) choose to be always fearful and in anxiety, worrying about how to avoid it and worrying about how and when it will happen or B) we can surrender to Krishna's will and desire and understand that it is Krishna's plan when and how we will have to leave our material body. The first option is full of material fear, anxiety, stress and worry. These are all mental concoctions and have no benefit, either physically or mentally. It is the mind only that begins to obsess about future events and possibilities. It is the mind only that creates the illusory world of "what if". The mind is such a powerful tool that can have extremely detrimental effects upon us, if we choose to listen to it.
In the second option, fear and anxiety are replaced by a sense of calm acceptance. It's akin to living in the now. When the mind is silenced you begin to realize that the only thing existing is the present moment. And in that present moment, with a silenced mind, you can perceive Krishna's presence and energy. It takes a deep faith to experience this. If we truly, genuinely believe in Krishna and that Krishna is protecting us and with us, then there is no possibility of fear or anxiety. And even if so-called, seemingly "bad" things happen, we are then able to see it as Krishna's loving arrangement. If the terrorist comes kicking the door in and shooting up the room, we can see how it's really Krishna coming to forcibly take us away, back to Goloka Vrindavan.
It's like Radharadhya said in a comment on one of my posts, when St. Terese saw her coughing up of blood as her Lord and lover embracing her and coming to take her away. It's all about perception and consciousness. The more we surrender to Krishna, the less fear and anxiety we will experience, but the more we hold on to our false ego and our attempts to control the material energy, the more our fear, anxiety and stress will increase.
So does that mean we stay locked inside of our houses and never do anything due to fear and anxiety about what bad things could happen? Even if we stayed inside of our house we could be struck with a heart attack and die instantly. There's no fool-proof escape from death. Just as in the movie "Final Destination", they tried to alter their destiny or fate in so many ways to avoid death, but in the end death always found a way to get them. Death is an inevitable part of life.
We have two ways to deal with the reality of death. We can A) choose to be always fearful and in anxiety, worrying about how to avoid it and worrying about how and when it will happen or B) we can surrender to Krishna's will and desire and understand that it is Krishna's plan when and how we will have to leave our material body. The first option is full of material fear, anxiety, stress and worry. These are all mental concoctions and have no benefit, either physically or mentally. It is the mind only that begins to obsess about future events and possibilities. It is the mind only that creates the illusory world of "what if". The mind is such a powerful tool that can have extremely detrimental effects upon us, if we choose to listen to it.
In the second option, fear and anxiety are replaced by a sense of calm acceptance. It's akin to living in the now. When the mind is silenced you begin to realize that the only thing existing is the present moment. And in that present moment, with a silenced mind, you can perceive Krishna's presence and energy. It takes a deep faith to experience this. If we truly, genuinely believe in Krishna and that Krishna is protecting us and with us, then there is no possibility of fear or anxiety. And even if so-called, seemingly "bad" things happen, we are then able to see it as Krishna's loving arrangement. If the terrorist comes kicking the door in and shooting up the room, we can see how it's really Krishna coming to forcibly take us away, back to Goloka Vrindavan.
It's like Radharadhya said in a comment on one of my posts, when St. Terese saw her coughing up of blood as her Lord and lover embracing her and coming to take her away. It's all about perception and consciousness. The more we surrender to Krishna, the less fear and anxiety we will experience, but the more we hold on to our false ego and our attempts to control the material energy, the more our fear, anxiety and stress will increase.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Visiting the Holy Dhamas
As our trip to Sri Vrindavan Dhama is approaching, I have to stop and reflect on my purpose and my intent in going. It's always been told to me that you can't get to Vrindavan with an airline ticket. It's also been said that you can't see the true Dhama if your heart is impure. If you go with an impure heart, all you will see are pigs, dogs, monkeys, poverty and garbage. In other words, all you will perceive is the external environment.
Vrindavan is in our consciousness and in our hearts. As a neophyte devotee, I find the purifying aspect of visiting the Holy Dhamas to be the most beneficial aspect of making the endeavor to travel. The simple act of traveling is in and of itself an austerity to enter the Dhama. The energy, the time, the money, etc. are all part of the purifying power of traveling to the Dhama.
This is my singular focus in visiting the Dhama: to become purified. We hear this term quite often as devotees, but, just like saying "Haribol", it can become one of those things we don't even think about the deeper implication of what it really means. We're not consciously thinking about it. "Yeah, I need to purify my heart." But what does this purification mean? Ceto-darpana-marjanam. The heart is dirty, just like a mirror covered with dust and dirt and grime. Just as we can't see our self in such a mirror, we can't see our true, spiritual self in our heart when it's contaminated. What are these dirty things covering the heart? Lust, greed, anger, desire for sense gratification, etc. Essentially anything that keeps us from being conscious of Krishna.
I was once talking to my wife about desire and chanting. I was saying that it's so much easier to NOT think of Krishna than TO think of Him. And it seems much easier and natural to do materialistic activities as opposed to devotional activities. I said, "When's the last time you heard someone say, "Ooo, you know what we should totally do?! We should chant like 32 rounds right now! Wouldn't that be awesome?!" No one seems to have that kind of zest, enthusiasm and excitement for devotional activities. Why is that? Because our hearts are full of materialistic desires for sense gratification. We only want the instant gratification. We don't want to work to attain genuine, transcendental happiness and pleasure.
And it comes back to the idea of becoming truly selfless. Selflessness is Vrindavan consciousness, Krishna consciousness. But in our conditioned state it's EXTREMELY hard to appreciate selflessness as genuine pleasure and happiness. In our conditioned state "happiness" means instant gratification of my senses and my desires. It's difficult to change our understanding and perception in this regard.
That's why we MUST cleanse the heart. Srila Prabhupada also gives the example of the person who has jaundice and how they experience the flavor of sweetness and being bitter. In our diseased condition we experience selfless service to Guru, Krishna and the Vaishnavas as being very bitter. But what is the cure for jaundice? To continue eating sweet things. Gradually the sweet flavor begins to come back. So when our hearing and chanting and seva is bitter, we simply have to keep doing it. Gradually we will come to the point where we can actually relish their sweetness.
I know, I know. This sounds like the same old rhetoric and dogma. It's the neophyte parroting what they've heard, but not really understanding or realizing it. I admit that I don't understand it. I know it's what the sastras and the acaryas have told us to do. All I can do is have faith in this process.
We should not enter the Dhama with the intention of enjoyment, neither gross or subtle. The desire for enjoyment should be completely absent. There should be a feeling of surrender and openness to Krishna's presence and desire. We should absorb ourselves in the spiritual, devotionally surcharged atmosphere and environment and take up the Holy Name with great faith and in a deep mood of prayer and desperation for Krishna. This is my goal and purpose for traveling to Sri Vrndavan Dhama.
He Krishna! He Govinda! He Radhe! Please purify my heart and consciousness and allow me to become free of bodily identification and desires for sense gratification! Please free me from the illusion of this material existence and allow me to come closer to You and engage in your eternal, loving service! This kind of desire must be cultivated if we truly want to experience the Holy Dhama and if we truly want to live a peaceful, purposeful, happy and fulfilled life. Visiting the Holy Dhamas is only one part of the devotional process, but if done properly it can be a powerful, transformative experience that has lasting, eternal benefit for our true self.
Vrindavan is in our consciousness and in our hearts. As a neophyte devotee, I find the purifying aspect of visiting the Holy Dhamas to be the most beneficial aspect of making the endeavor to travel. The simple act of traveling is in and of itself an austerity to enter the Dhama. The energy, the time, the money, etc. are all part of the purifying power of traveling to the Dhama.
This is my singular focus in visiting the Dhama: to become purified. We hear this term quite often as devotees, but, just like saying "Haribol", it can become one of those things we don't even think about the deeper implication of what it really means. We're not consciously thinking about it. "Yeah, I need to purify my heart." But what does this purification mean? Ceto-darpana-marjanam. The heart is dirty, just like a mirror covered with dust and dirt and grime. Just as we can't see our self in such a mirror, we can't see our true, spiritual self in our heart when it's contaminated. What are these dirty things covering the heart? Lust, greed, anger, desire for sense gratification, etc. Essentially anything that keeps us from being conscious of Krishna.
I was once talking to my wife about desire and chanting. I was saying that it's so much easier to NOT think of Krishna than TO think of Him. And it seems much easier and natural to do materialistic activities as opposed to devotional activities. I said, "When's the last time you heard someone say, "Ooo, you know what we should totally do?! We should chant like 32 rounds right now! Wouldn't that be awesome?!" No one seems to have that kind of zest, enthusiasm and excitement for devotional activities. Why is that? Because our hearts are full of materialistic desires for sense gratification. We only want the instant gratification. We don't want to work to attain genuine, transcendental happiness and pleasure.
And it comes back to the idea of becoming truly selfless. Selflessness is Vrindavan consciousness, Krishna consciousness. But in our conditioned state it's EXTREMELY hard to appreciate selflessness as genuine pleasure and happiness. In our conditioned state "happiness" means instant gratification of my senses and my desires. It's difficult to change our understanding and perception in this regard.
That's why we MUST cleanse the heart. Srila Prabhupada also gives the example of the person who has jaundice and how they experience the flavor of sweetness and being bitter. In our diseased condition we experience selfless service to Guru, Krishna and the Vaishnavas as being very bitter. But what is the cure for jaundice? To continue eating sweet things. Gradually the sweet flavor begins to come back. So when our hearing and chanting and seva is bitter, we simply have to keep doing it. Gradually we will come to the point where we can actually relish their sweetness.
I know, I know. This sounds like the same old rhetoric and dogma. It's the neophyte parroting what they've heard, but not really understanding or realizing it. I admit that I don't understand it. I know it's what the sastras and the acaryas have told us to do. All I can do is have faith in this process.
We should not enter the Dhama with the intention of enjoyment, neither gross or subtle. The desire for enjoyment should be completely absent. There should be a feeling of surrender and openness to Krishna's presence and desire. We should absorb ourselves in the spiritual, devotionally surcharged atmosphere and environment and take up the Holy Name with great faith and in a deep mood of prayer and desperation for Krishna. This is my goal and purpose for traveling to Sri Vrndavan Dhama.
He Krishna! He Govinda! He Radhe! Please purify my heart and consciousness and allow me to become free of bodily identification and desires for sense gratification! Please free me from the illusion of this material existence and allow me to come closer to You and engage in your eternal, loving service! This kind of desire must be cultivated if we truly want to experience the Holy Dhama and if we truly want to live a peaceful, purposeful, happy and fulfilled life. Visiting the Holy Dhamas is only one part of the devotional process, but if done properly it can be a powerful, transformative experience that has lasting, eternal benefit for our true self.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
When Devotees Suffer
I can't stop writing! I thought I was going to end with the previous post, but there are so many thoughts, realizations and reflections going on in my mind. I want to get them all out on the "paper".
Regarding the last post, I was thinking about how suffering comes to us because of our sinful (maya) activities. But then I was thinking about the devotees and considering why sometimes they have to experience seemingly material suffering? For example, just now HH Jayapataka Swami Maharaja is in a hospital in Mumbai after having experienced a serious brain hemorrhage. Of all the souls in the world, why would such a saintly, surrendered Vaishnava devotee of the Lord have to experience such a terrible thing? Here we come back into the sticky, vague, ephemeral, intricate, complex world of karma. Perhaps there just simply isn't any way for us to logically understand it. Perhaps it was the misdeeds of his disciples. Perhaps it was some karmic reaction from something in a previous life. Who are we to understand or comprehend it?
I even think about my own Guru Maharaja and how he had to struggle and suffer with cancer. Why? He was completely surrendered to Srila Prabhupada and Krishna. What was the necessity of him having to experience such physical, mental and emotional trauma? Again, there are no easy answers here.
As a neophyte devotee, it's easy to question, "Well if even staunch, surrendered devotees have to experience this kind of suffering, then why bother trying to be a strict devotee? Why not just enjoy my senses then? After all, suffering is going to come anyway!" But is our intention as devotees really an attempt to end all suffering? Are we like the Buddhists who want to enter into a state of blissful nothingness? No. The goal of the bhakta is not to bring an end to material suffering, but rather to bring pleasure to Krishna.
This sort of consciousness can only be understood in sarangati or complete surrender. "Thy will be done". The true devotee doesn't care about their own suffering or inconvenience. They don't care about their own pleasure or happiness. They only want to serve the devotees and Krishna. They accept material suffering and struggle as Krishna's sweet will. They are not experiencing the karmic results of any sort of misdeed, because they have completely given themselves to the Lord. So where is this suffering coming from? Why does Krishna bring it to them?
It is a very esoteric and deep topic. Only the pure devotee that is experiencing it can really understand or interpret it. It's an individual experience meant for that particular devotee's own internal cultivation. Krishna gives each one of us individualized attention and brings to us what we need in order to come closer to Him. He krishna karuna-sindhu! He is an ocean of mercy and that mercy comes in various forms. To the outsider it may appear that a pure, fully surrendered devotee is suffering just like anyone else, but in reality that devotee is experiencing a deep, internal bliss and connection with Krishna.
I think it was in one of HH Satsvarupa Maharaja's books (or maybe it was one of HG Hari Suari Prabhu's books) where there is this photo of Srila Prabhupada looking extremely grave and sad. He almost looks depressed. Someone asked him why he looked so sad and Srila Prabhupada replied that he wasn't and that at that moment he was experiencing a profound ecstasy. So from our external vision we cannot always understand what's going on within the heart of the pure devotee.
Obviously the suffering of a neophyte is something different. There is still karma to be burned off and sometimes there is still indulgence in sense gratification. But the pure devotees, those who are fully surrendered, they do not suffer like us and we should understand this. Their consciousness is on a different platform and their internal world is something we can't comprehend. We can't let the suffering of these great Vaishnavas weaken our faith or give us doubts about the process of devotional service. When we ourselves come to such a transcendental, purified state of consciousness, we too will understand first hand the overwhelming mercy and ecstasy experienced through such apparent suffering.
Regarding the last post, I was thinking about how suffering comes to us because of our sinful (maya) activities. But then I was thinking about the devotees and considering why sometimes they have to experience seemingly material suffering? For example, just now HH Jayapataka Swami Maharaja is in a hospital in Mumbai after having experienced a serious brain hemorrhage. Of all the souls in the world, why would such a saintly, surrendered Vaishnava devotee of the Lord have to experience such a terrible thing? Here we come back into the sticky, vague, ephemeral, intricate, complex world of karma. Perhaps there just simply isn't any way for us to logically understand it. Perhaps it was the misdeeds of his disciples. Perhaps it was some karmic reaction from something in a previous life. Who are we to understand or comprehend it?
I even think about my own Guru Maharaja and how he had to struggle and suffer with cancer. Why? He was completely surrendered to Srila Prabhupada and Krishna. What was the necessity of him having to experience such physical, mental and emotional trauma? Again, there are no easy answers here.
As a neophyte devotee, it's easy to question, "Well if even staunch, surrendered devotees have to experience this kind of suffering, then why bother trying to be a strict devotee? Why not just enjoy my senses then? After all, suffering is going to come anyway!" But is our intention as devotees really an attempt to end all suffering? Are we like the Buddhists who want to enter into a state of blissful nothingness? No. The goal of the bhakta is not to bring an end to material suffering, but rather to bring pleasure to Krishna.
This sort of consciousness can only be understood in sarangati or complete surrender. "Thy will be done". The true devotee doesn't care about their own suffering or inconvenience. They don't care about their own pleasure or happiness. They only want to serve the devotees and Krishna. They accept material suffering and struggle as Krishna's sweet will. They are not experiencing the karmic results of any sort of misdeed, because they have completely given themselves to the Lord. So where is this suffering coming from? Why does Krishna bring it to them?
It is a very esoteric and deep topic. Only the pure devotee that is experiencing it can really understand or interpret it. It's an individual experience meant for that particular devotee's own internal cultivation. Krishna gives each one of us individualized attention and brings to us what we need in order to come closer to Him. He krishna karuna-sindhu! He is an ocean of mercy and that mercy comes in various forms. To the outsider it may appear that a pure, fully surrendered devotee is suffering just like anyone else, but in reality that devotee is experiencing a deep, internal bliss and connection with Krishna.
I think it was in one of HH Satsvarupa Maharaja's books (or maybe it was one of HG Hari Suari Prabhu's books) where there is this photo of Srila Prabhupada looking extremely grave and sad. He almost looks depressed. Someone asked him why he looked so sad and Srila Prabhupada replied that he wasn't and that at that moment he was experiencing a profound ecstasy. So from our external vision we cannot always understand what's going on within the heart of the pure devotee.
Obviously the suffering of a neophyte is something different. There is still karma to be burned off and sometimes there is still indulgence in sense gratification. But the pure devotees, those who are fully surrendered, they do not suffer like us and we should understand this. Their consciousness is on a different platform and their internal world is something we can't comprehend. We can't let the suffering of these great Vaishnavas weaken our faith or give us doubts about the process of devotional service. When we ourselves come to such a transcendental, purified state of consciousness, we too will understand first hand the overwhelming mercy and ecstasy experienced through such apparent suffering.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
