I haven't written here in forever. The time it seems is focused elsewhere, like on my new daughter, my new job and trying to spend quality time with the wife. The day-t0-day duties, struggles and concerns keep me occupied on a moment-to-moment basis, leaving very little time for journaling, writing and self-reflecting.
One of the benefits of my 2 hours and 20 minutes spent in the car every weekday is that I have time to listen to Srila Prabhupada's lectures and discourses. I've recently been listening to his classes on the Bhagavad Gita.
While listening to these lectures I often have doubts, questions and sometimes profound insights. During one lecture Srila Prabhupada was talking about the sun god and how there are living entities that live on the sun planet, but that their bodies are made of fire. His argument for accepting this as truth was that there are living entities on planet earth that live in the water, some live in the air, some live in the extreme cold, etc. His point being that if there are living entities right here on this earth that can live in so many different conditions and in different bodies, then why can't there be living entities that live in fire with fiery bodies?
I was thinking that philosophically this argument could be torn apart. I don't have a degree in philosophy, so I don't know the fancy terms, but it seems like a weak argument to say that because we have experience of fish living in the water then there must be beings made of fire living on the sun.
Srila Prabhupada was also explaining that there are the different ways to know truth (the pramanas) and that the best way is to accept it from the Vedas (sastras). But I was thinking that sometimes it's hard to accept what's in the sastras, because sometimes it seems so fantastical, mythological, metaphorical, allegorical, illogical, etc. that it can feel uncomfortable to "just accept it as truth".
This is of course our major struggle. We like to deal with pratyaksa or direct perception (the empirical in Western thought). We want to be able to know and experience truth through our mind, intelligence and senses. If we can't see it, taste it, touch it, hear it or smell it through our physical senses, then we have a hard time believing it's real. This is precisely the problem when we come to Krishna Consciousness with our materialistic, Western mindset, because pratyaksa and the process of bhakti-yoga go ill together.
Srila Prabhupada was also saying that we can't rely on our direct perception, because our senses are limited and faulty. We can't see tiny bacteria with our naked eye, but they none-the-less exist. We can't hear certain frequencies, but they exist. There are also four defects of the conditioned living entity: 1) imperfect senses, 2) a tendency to cheat, 3) a tendency to be in illusion and 4) a tendency to make mistakes. This is why Prabhupada was saying that we have to accept the authority of the Vedas or the revealed scriptures, because there's no other way for us to know the truth with all of our faults and imperfections. He said it's like accepting the authority of our mother in telling us who our father is. There's no way for us to know for sure who our father is except through the statement of our mother. In this connection Prabhupada was saying that this is why we have to simply accept the authority of the Guru and the Vedas without questioning or arguing, because there's no other way for us to know the truth.
As I was hearing him say this I felt an uncomfortable apprehension. "Accept this as truth without questioning?!" It sounds very cultish to our materialistic, Western minds. How can we accept something without questioning it? And of course I know that Srila Prabhupada means not questioning in a defiant or challenging way. We can question with humility, but we still have to accept whatever the answer is without doubt. And that can be very difficult for us. At least I know at times it's very difficult for me.
Why is it so difficult to just accept everything in the Vedas as truth? Why do we find ourselves having doubts? Why do we find ourselves being seduced by our senses and our empirical way of thinking? We're so addicted and attached to our senses and to the idea that the only thing that is real is what is being filtered through them. I know in theory that this is a terrible way to go around perceiving the world, but it's the only way I know how to. My senses and what they tell me are all I know for certain as being real. Everything that I hear from Guru and the sastras
is all theoretical to me. It's not directly experiened or perceived.
I sometimes wonder how some devotees can accept so much without having any doubts? Perhaps that is why it is said that simplicity is Vaishnavism, because if you're simple like a child and just accept what Guru and sastra says then your life is simple and sublime. If you're complicated and duplicitous then Krishna Consciousness becomes very difficult and you find yourself full of doubt.
It's hard for us, with our conditioning, to just let go and surrender to the authority of Guru and the revealed scriptures. It's hard for us to let go of our sensory way of looking at and thinking about the world around us. What is it in me that won't all me to fully surrender? What is it in me that won't allow me to have complete faith in the process? Because of my empirical way of looking at things I want to be able to see Krishna and experience Him through my senses. If I can't do that then I have a hard time putting myself completely into the process. And isn't that just human nature to doubt something if we haven't experienced it first hand ourself?
We hear that we shouldn't try to see Krishna, but that we should act in a way that Krishna wants to see us. We also hear that we can see Krishna face-to-face, but that we have to develop the spiritual senses to do so. All in all Krishna just seems very elusive. We have the Deity forms of the Lord in order for our dull senses to perceive Him, but the problem is that I'm still seeing Him with dull senses and I can't fully appeciate His presence in such a form. According to my vision He's just standing there motionless, not saying a word and not playing His flute. Again, just as with the Guru and the sastras I have to accept that the Deity is non-different from Krishna. I'm accepting it through faith, not from direct perception or personal experience.
As you can see this process requires a tremendous amount of faith. It requires a faith that is not shaken by doubts. It requires a simplicity of faith that does not challenge or argue. Such faith is the greatest treasure we can obtain in this world. Some devotees are concerned with attaining Krishna prema, but I'm simply concerned with attaining the beginning stage of shrada or faith.
