In connection with our upcoming trip to Sri Vrindavan Dhama, some people have expressed concern about traveling to India after the recent terrorist attacks in Mumbai. If someone really thinks about it, though, the logic is quite faulty. It's like someone is Europe saying, "We should never go to anywhere in America again, because once there was a terrorist attack in New York City"! The fact is that terrorism, calamities, accidents and death can happen anywhere and at anytime. Every time we get into a car we're facing the possibility of an accident or death.
So does that mean we stay locked inside of our houses and never do anything due to fear and anxiety about what bad things could happen? Even if we stayed inside of our house we could be struck with a heart attack and die instantly. There's no fool-proof escape from death. Just as in the movie "Final Destination", they tried to alter their destiny or fate in so many ways to avoid death, but in the end death always found a way to get them. Death is an inevitable part of life.
We have two ways to deal with the reality of death. We can A) choose to be always fearful and in anxiety, worrying about how to avoid it and worrying about how and when it will happen or B) we can surrender to Krishna's will and desire and understand that it is Krishna's plan when and how we will have to leave our material body. The first option is full of material fear, anxiety, stress and worry. These are all mental concoctions and have no benefit, either physically or mentally. It is the mind only that begins to obsess about future events and possibilities. It is the mind only that creates the illusory world of "what if". The mind is such a powerful tool that can have extremely detrimental effects upon us, if we choose to listen to it.
In the second option, fear and anxiety are replaced by a sense of calm acceptance. It's akin to living in the now. When the mind is silenced you begin to realize that the only thing existing is the present moment. And in that present moment, with a silenced mind, you can perceive Krishna's presence and energy. It takes a deep faith to experience this. If we truly, genuinely believe in Krishna and that Krishna is protecting us and with us, then there is no possibility of fear or anxiety. And even if so-called, seemingly "bad" things happen, we are then able to see it as Krishna's loving arrangement. If the terrorist comes kicking the door in and shooting up the room, we can see how it's really Krishna coming to forcibly take us away, back to Goloka Vrindavan.
It's like Radharadhya said in a comment on one of my posts, when St. Terese saw her coughing up of blood as her Lord and lover embracing her and coming to take her away. It's all about perception and consciousness. The more we surrender to Krishna, the less fear and anxiety we will experience, but the more we hold on to our false ego and our attempts to control the material energy, the more our fear, anxiety and stress will increase.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Visiting the Holy Dhamas
As our trip to Sri Vrindavan Dhama is approaching, I have to stop and reflect on my purpose and my intent in going. It's always been told to me that you can't get to Vrindavan with an airline ticket. It's also been said that you can't see the true Dhama if your heart is impure. If you go with an impure heart, all you will see are pigs, dogs, monkeys, poverty and garbage. In other words, all you will perceive is the external environment.
Vrindavan is in our consciousness and in our hearts. As a neophyte devotee, I find the purifying aspect of visiting the Holy Dhamas to be the most beneficial aspect of making the endeavor to travel. The simple act of traveling is in and of itself an austerity to enter the Dhama. The energy, the time, the money, etc. are all part of the purifying power of traveling to the Dhama.
This is my singular focus in visiting the Dhama: to become purified. We hear this term quite often as devotees, but, just like saying "Haribol", it can become one of those things we don't even think about the deeper implication of what it really means. We're not consciously thinking about it. "Yeah, I need to purify my heart." But what does this purification mean? Ceto-darpana-marjanam. The heart is dirty, just like a mirror covered with dust and dirt and grime. Just as we can't see our self in such a mirror, we can't see our true, spiritual self in our heart when it's contaminated. What are these dirty things covering the heart? Lust, greed, anger, desire for sense gratification, etc. Essentially anything that keeps us from being conscious of Krishna.
I was once talking to my wife about desire and chanting. I was saying that it's so much easier to NOT think of Krishna than TO think of Him. And it seems much easier and natural to do materialistic activities as opposed to devotional activities. I said, "When's the last time you heard someone say, "Ooo, you know what we should totally do?! We should chant like 32 rounds right now! Wouldn't that be awesome?!" No one seems to have that kind of zest, enthusiasm and excitement for devotional activities. Why is that? Because our hearts are full of materialistic desires for sense gratification. We only want the instant gratification. We don't want to work to attain genuine, transcendental happiness and pleasure.
And it comes back to the idea of becoming truly selfless. Selflessness is Vrindavan consciousness, Krishna consciousness. But in our conditioned state it's EXTREMELY hard to appreciate selflessness as genuine pleasure and happiness. In our conditioned state "happiness" means instant gratification of my senses and my desires. It's difficult to change our understanding and perception in this regard.
That's why we MUST cleanse the heart. Srila Prabhupada also gives the example of the person who has jaundice and how they experience the flavor of sweetness and being bitter. In our diseased condition we experience selfless service to Guru, Krishna and the Vaishnavas as being very bitter. But what is the cure for jaundice? To continue eating sweet things. Gradually the sweet flavor begins to come back. So when our hearing and chanting and seva is bitter, we simply have to keep doing it. Gradually we will come to the point where we can actually relish their sweetness.
I know, I know. This sounds like the same old rhetoric and dogma. It's the neophyte parroting what they've heard, but not really understanding or realizing it. I admit that I don't understand it. I know it's what the sastras and the acaryas have told us to do. All I can do is have faith in this process.
We should not enter the Dhama with the intention of enjoyment, neither gross or subtle. The desire for enjoyment should be completely absent. There should be a feeling of surrender and openness to Krishna's presence and desire. We should absorb ourselves in the spiritual, devotionally surcharged atmosphere and environment and take up the Holy Name with great faith and in a deep mood of prayer and desperation for Krishna. This is my goal and purpose for traveling to Sri Vrndavan Dhama.
He Krishna! He Govinda! He Radhe! Please purify my heart and consciousness and allow me to become free of bodily identification and desires for sense gratification! Please free me from the illusion of this material existence and allow me to come closer to You and engage in your eternal, loving service! This kind of desire must be cultivated if we truly want to experience the Holy Dhama and if we truly want to live a peaceful, purposeful, happy and fulfilled life. Visiting the Holy Dhamas is only one part of the devotional process, but if done properly it can be a powerful, transformative experience that has lasting, eternal benefit for our true self.
Vrindavan is in our consciousness and in our hearts. As a neophyte devotee, I find the purifying aspect of visiting the Holy Dhamas to be the most beneficial aspect of making the endeavor to travel. The simple act of traveling is in and of itself an austerity to enter the Dhama. The energy, the time, the money, etc. are all part of the purifying power of traveling to the Dhama.
This is my singular focus in visiting the Dhama: to become purified. We hear this term quite often as devotees, but, just like saying "Haribol", it can become one of those things we don't even think about the deeper implication of what it really means. We're not consciously thinking about it. "Yeah, I need to purify my heart." But what does this purification mean? Ceto-darpana-marjanam. The heart is dirty, just like a mirror covered with dust and dirt and grime. Just as we can't see our self in such a mirror, we can't see our true, spiritual self in our heart when it's contaminated. What are these dirty things covering the heart? Lust, greed, anger, desire for sense gratification, etc. Essentially anything that keeps us from being conscious of Krishna.
I was once talking to my wife about desire and chanting. I was saying that it's so much easier to NOT think of Krishna than TO think of Him. And it seems much easier and natural to do materialistic activities as opposed to devotional activities. I said, "When's the last time you heard someone say, "Ooo, you know what we should totally do?! We should chant like 32 rounds right now! Wouldn't that be awesome?!" No one seems to have that kind of zest, enthusiasm and excitement for devotional activities. Why is that? Because our hearts are full of materialistic desires for sense gratification. We only want the instant gratification. We don't want to work to attain genuine, transcendental happiness and pleasure.
And it comes back to the idea of becoming truly selfless. Selflessness is Vrindavan consciousness, Krishna consciousness. But in our conditioned state it's EXTREMELY hard to appreciate selflessness as genuine pleasure and happiness. In our conditioned state "happiness" means instant gratification of my senses and my desires. It's difficult to change our understanding and perception in this regard.
That's why we MUST cleanse the heart. Srila Prabhupada also gives the example of the person who has jaundice and how they experience the flavor of sweetness and being bitter. In our diseased condition we experience selfless service to Guru, Krishna and the Vaishnavas as being very bitter. But what is the cure for jaundice? To continue eating sweet things. Gradually the sweet flavor begins to come back. So when our hearing and chanting and seva is bitter, we simply have to keep doing it. Gradually we will come to the point where we can actually relish their sweetness.
I know, I know. This sounds like the same old rhetoric and dogma. It's the neophyte parroting what they've heard, but not really understanding or realizing it. I admit that I don't understand it. I know it's what the sastras and the acaryas have told us to do. All I can do is have faith in this process.
We should not enter the Dhama with the intention of enjoyment, neither gross or subtle. The desire for enjoyment should be completely absent. There should be a feeling of surrender and openness to Krishna's presence and desire. We should absorb ourselves in the spiritual, devotionally surcharged atmosphere and environment and take up the Holy Name with great faith and in a deep mood of prayer and desperation for Krishna. This is my goal and purpose for traveling to Sri Vrndavan Dhama.
He Krishna! He Govinda! He Radhe! Please purify my heart and consciousness and allow me to become free of bodily identification and desires for sense gratification! Please free me from the illusion of this material existence and allow me to come closer to You and engage in your eternal, loving service! This kind of desire must be cultivated if we truly want to experience the Holy Dhama and if we truly want to live a peaceful, purposeful, happy and fulfilled life. Visiting the Holy Dhamas is only one part of the devotional process, but if done properly it can be a powerful, transformative experience that has lasting, eternal benefit for our true self.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
When Devotees Suffer
I can't stop writing! I thought I was going to end with the previous post, but there are so many thoughts, realizations and reflections going on in my mind. I want to get them all out on the "paper".
Regarding the last post, I was thinking about how suffering comes to us because of our sinful (maya) activities. But then I was thinking about the devotees and considering why sometimes they have to experience seemingly material suffering? For example, just now HH Jayapataka Swami Maharaja is in a hospital in Mumbai after having experienced a serious brain hemorrhage. Of all the souls in the world, why would such a saintly, surrendered Vaishnava devotee of the Lord have to experience such a terrible thing? Here we come back into the sticky, vague, ephemeral, intricate, complex world of karma. Perhaps there just simply isn't any way for us to logically understand it. Perhaps it was the misdeeds of his disciples. Perhaps it was some karmic reaction from something in a previous life. Who are we to understand or comprehend it?
I even think about my own Guru Maharaja and how he had to struggle and suffer with cancer. Why? He was completely surrendered to Srila Prabhupada and Krishna. What was the necessity of him having to experience such physical, mental and emotional trauma? Again, there are no easy answers here.
As a neophyte devotee, it's easy to question, "Well if even staunch, surrendered devotees have to experience this kind of suffering, then why bother trying to be a strict devotee? Why not just enjoy my senses then? After all, suffering is going to come anyway!" But is our intention as devotees really an attempt to end all suffering? Are we like the Buddhists who want to enter into a state of blissful nothingness? No. The goal of the bhakta is not to bring an end to material suffering, but rather to bring pleasure to Krishna.
This sort of consciousness can only be understood in sarangati or complete surrender. "Thy will be done". The true devotee doesn't care about their own suffering or inconvenience. They don't care about their own pleasure or happiness. They only want to serve the devotees and Krishna. They accept material suffering and struggle as Krishna's sweet will. They are not experiencing the karmic results of any sort of misdeed, because they have completely given themselves to the Lord. So where is this suffering coming from? Why does Krishna bring it to them?
It is a very esoteric and deep topic. Only the pure devotee that is experiencing it can really understand or interpret it. It's an individual experience meant for that particular devotee's own internal cultivation. Krishna gives each one of us individualized attention and brings to us what we need in order to come closer to Him. He krishna karuna-sindhu! He is an ocean of mercy and that mercy comes in various forms. To the outsider it may appear that a pure, fully surrendered devotee is suffering just like anyone else, but in reality that devotee is experiencing a deep, internal bliss and connection with Krishna.
I think it was in one of HH Satsvarupa Maharaja's books (or maybe it was one of HG Hari Suari Prabhu's books) where there is this photo of Srila Prabhupada looking extremely grave and sad. He almost looks depressed. Someone asked him why he looked so sad and Srila Prabhupada replied that he wasn't and that at that moment he was experiencing a profound ecstasy. So from our external vision we cannot always understand what's going on within the heart of the pure devotee.
Obviously the suffering of a neophyte is something different. There is still karma to be burned off and sometimes there is still indulgence in sense gratification. But the pure devotees, those who are fully surrendered, they do not suffer like us and we should understand this. Their consciousness is on a different platform and their internal world is something we can't comprehend. We can't let the suffering of these great Vaishnavas weaken our faith or give us doubts about the process of devotional service. When we ourselves come to such a transcendental, purified state of consciousness, we too will understand first hand the overwhelming mercy and ecstasy experienced through such apparent suffering.
Regarding the last post, I was thinking about how suffering comes to us because of our sinful (maya) activities. But then I was thinking about the devotees and considering why sometimes they have to experience seemingly material suffering? For example, just now HH Jayapataka Swami Maharaja is in a hospital in Mumbai after having experienced a serious brain hemorrhage. Of all the souls in the world, why would such a saintly, surrendered Vaishnava devotee of the Lord have to experience such a terrible thing? Here we come back into the sticky, vague, ephemeral, intricate, complex world of karma. Perhaps there just simply isn't any way for us to logically understand it. Perhaps it was the misdeeds of his disciples. Perhaps it was some karmic reaction from something in a previous life. Who are we to understand or comprehend it?
I even think about my own Guru Maharaja and how he had to struggle and suffer with cancer. Why? He was completely surrendered to Srila Prabhupada and Krishna. What was the necessity of him having to experience such physical, mental and emotional trauma? Again, there are no easy answers here.
As a neophyte devotee, it's easy to question, "Well if even staunch, surrendered devotees have to experience this kind of suffering, then why bother trying to be a strict devotee? Why not just enjoy my senses then? After all, suffering is going to come anyway!" But is our intention as devotees really an attempt to end all suffering? Are we like the Buddhists who want to enter into a state of blissful nothingness? No. The goal of the bhakta is not to bring an end to material suffering, but rather to bring pleasure to Krishna.
This sort of consciousness can only be understood in sarangati or complete surrender. "Thy will be done". The true devotee doesn't care about their own suffering or inconvenience. They don't care about their own pleasure or happiness. They only want to serve the devotees and Krishna. They accept material suffering and struggle as Krishna's sweet will. They are not experiencing the karmic results of any sort of misdeed, because they have completely given themselves to the Lord. So where is this suffering coming from? Why does Krishna bring it to them?
It is a very esoteric and deep topic. Only the pure devotee that is experiencing it can really understand or interpret it. It's an individual experience meant for that particular devotee's own internal cultivation. Krishna gives each one of us individualized attention and brings to us what we need in order to come closer to Him. He krishna karuna-sindhu! He is an ocean of mercy and that mercy comes in various forms. To the outsider it may appear that a pure, fully surrendered devotee is suffering just like anyone else, but in reality that devotee is experiencing a deep, internal bliss and connection with Krishna.
I think it was in one of HH Satsvarupa Maharaja's books (or maybe it was one of HG Hari Suari Prabhu's books) where there is this photo of Srila Prabhupada looking extremely grave and sad. He almost looks depressed. Someone asked him why he looked so sad and Srila Prabhupada replied that he wasn't and that at that moment he was experiencing a profound ecstasy. So from our external vision we cannot always understand what's going on within the heart of the pure devotee.
Obviously the suffering of a neophyte is something different. There is still karma to be burned off and sometimes there is still indulgence in sense gratification. But the pure devotees, those who are fully surrendered, they do not suffer like us and we should understand this. Their consciousness is on a different platform and their internal world is something we can't comprehend. We can't let the suffering of these great Vaishnavas weaken our faith or give us doubts about the process of devotional service. When we ourselves come to such a transcendental, purified state of consciousness, we too will understand first hand the overwhelming mercy and ecstasy experienced through such apparent suffering.
Lessons from the Srimad Speeding Ticketvatam
I was just noticing that my blog entires have been slowly dwindling from month to month. I guess that's expected as the end of the school semester comes to and end and the frantic race to complete school work comes bearing down. It's almost over though. Just two more weeks.
I wanted to take this time to reflect on an event that just happened this past Monday night as I was driving home from school. I was pulled over for speeding. I didn't even notice or realize that perhaps I was going over the speed limit. I'm still not sure how I was, but the policeman said he clocked me on his radar. I mean, how can you dispute that? "No you didn't. I'm sure of it. You weren't looking at the radar. In fact, you don't even have a radar gun in your car!" So yeah, I was pretty much screwed. Now I have to make a court appearance in January. It's a whole mess.
After it happened I was trying to understand it from a Krishna Conscious perspective. After all, isn't that what we, as aspiring devotees, are supposed to do, i.e. - see everything as Krishna's arrangement? These were some of the realizations I garnered from the experience:
1. We may do something illegal (a metaphor for sinful activity or "breaking the regs") for an extended period of time without getting in trouble or getting caught (a metaphor for experiencing vikarmic reactions), but eventually the time will come when we have to experience the negative reactions for our activities.
I don't know anyone that follows the speed limit ALL of the time and many of us are guilty for driving well over the speed limit. We think nothing of it, but eventually we're going to get caught in a speed trap or not notice the police car behind us, etc. We may speed not necessarily because we're thrill seekers or because we want to break the law, but we may just be thinking, "I really need to get where I'm going quickly" or we may just be driving at a comfortable speed which isn't necessarily the speed limit.
The fact is, we're not thinking about the law, we're just thinking about OUR SELVES and what we want. "I want to drive fast or at whatever speed I want, so therefore I will!" It's a conscious choice. We all know speeding is against the law, but we don't consider it. We don't think we'll ever be that poor sap pulled over on the side of the road. But sooner or later we'll see the flashing lights in our rearview mirror and think, "Crap." It's karma coming to get us.
In the same way, we may think we can go on doing sinful, sense gratificatory (I know that's not a word. I just made it up!) activity and never have to experience the negative results, but eventually it's going to catch up with us. Sometimes as devotees we can look at the so-called karmis or materialists and think, "Well gee, that guy owns a meat shop, but he's got millions of dollars, he's handsome, he's got a beautiful wife and wonderful children, he's never sick, things are always going his way, etc., so why isn't he suffering like me? Or why are some devotees suffering more than him?" But the fact is this person WILL have to suffer, just perhaps not at this present moment in time. Karma is one of those subtle things that's sometimes hard to understand, even though as devotees we think, "Oh yeah, karma, I know what that is." All of our activities are building up a karmic bank account. Sooner or later we'll cash in on it, whether it's negative (vikarma) or positive (karma).
2. The other realization I was thinking about was the topic of choice. We all have the freedom to choose our thoughts and actions. I was making a choice (albeit perhaps an unconscious one) to drive over the speed limit. I can't blame anyone for getting a ticket except myself. It was in my hands, in my control. This goes back to karma and the quality of our lives. Sometimes we like to complain about our circumstances, but we're the ones who have created them! Such irony! Every time we choose not to chant our rounds, not to read the sastras, not to worship the Deities or choose to watch TV or watch a movie or listen to karmi music or break a regulative principle, etc., every time we make these choices there will be an investment into our karmic bank account. There will also be an affect on our consciousness, which will affect our perception of the world and ultimately our quality of life. Every moment we're making choices and decisions to influence our reality, yet we're not always aware of the seriousness or consequences our actions have. This goes back to us not really, truly understanding the laws of karma.
If we continually choose maya over Krishna, then we can't complain when the suffering comes. We can't complain when seemingly bad things happen to us. Karma is, as the Beatles sang, "gonna hit you right in the face". How can we be shocked when our lives become full of suffering and misery, both physically and mentally? It's a science. If I choose to speed, the consequence will be that I get a ticket and have to pay fines, go to court, etc. If I choose sinful activity (maya) over Krishna Conscious, devotional activities, then I will have to suffer the three-fold pangs of material existence.
Anyway, this is turning into a dissertation and I really should be studying for a quiz that I'm supposed to be taking in an hour. But as you can see, there are no limits to the lessons learned from the Srimad Speeding Ticketvatam. I could easily go on with other points, but like I said, this is already too long and I have work to do. As Tim Gunn would say, "Carry on".
I wanted to take this time to reflect on an event that just happened this past Monday night as I was driving home from school. I was pulled over for speeding. I didn't even notice or realize that perhaps I was going over the speed limit. I'm still not sure how I was, but the policeman said he clocked me on his radar. I mean, how can you dispute that? "No you didn't. I'm sure of it. You weren't looking at the radar. In fact, you don't even have a radar gun in your car!" So yeah, I was pretty much screwed. Now I have to make a court appearance in January. It's a whole mess.
After it happened I was trying to understand it from a Krishna Conscious perspective. After all, isn't that what we, as aspiring devotees, are supposed to do, i.e. - see everything as Krishna's arrangement? These were some of the realizations I garnered from the experience:
1. We may do something illegal (a metaphor for sinful activity or "breaking the regs") for an extended period of time without getting in trouble or getting caught (a metaphor for experiencing vikarmic reactions), but eventually the time will come when we have to experience the negative reactions for our activities.
I don't know anyone that follows the speed limit ALL of the time and many of us are guilty for driving well over the speed limit. We think nothing of it, but eventually we're going to get caught in a speed trap or not notice the police car behind us, etc. We may speed not necessarily because we're thrill seekers or because we want to break the law, but we may just be thinking, "I really need to get where I'm going quickly" or we may just be driving at a comfortable speed which isn't necessarily the speed limit.
The fact is, we're not thinking about the law, we're just thinking about OUR SELVES and what we want. "I want to drive fast or at whatever speed I want, so therefore I will!" It's a conscious choice. We all know speeding is against the law, but we don't consider it. We don't think we'll ever be that poor sap pulled over on the side of the road. But sooner or later we'll see the flashing lights in our rearview mirror and think, "Crap." It's karma coming to get us.
In the same way, we may think we can go on doing sinful, sense gratificatory (I know that's not a word. I just made it up!) activity and never have to experience the negative results, but eventually it's going to catch up with us. Sometimes as devotees we can look at the so-called karmis or materialists and think, "Well gee, that guy owns a meat shop, but he's got millions of dollars, he's handsome, he's got a beautiful wife and wonderful children, he's never sick, things are always going his way, etc., so why isn't he suffering like me? Or why are some devotees suffering more than him?" But the fact is this person WILL have to suffer, just perhaps not at this present moment in time. Karma is one of those subtle things that's sometimes hard to understand, even though as devotees we think, "Oh yeah, karma, I know what that is." All of our activities are building up a karmic bank account. Sooner or later we'll cash in on it, whether it's negative (vikarma) or positive (karma).
2. The other realization I was thinking about was the topic of choice. We all have the freedom to choose our thoughts and actions. I was making a choice (albeit perhaps an unconscious one) to drive over the speed limit. I can't blame anyone for getting a ticket except myself. It was in my hands, in my control. This goes back to karma and the quality of our lives. Sometimes we like to complain about our circumstances, but we're the ones who have created them! Such irony! Every time we choose not to chant our rounds, not to read the sastras, not to worship the Deities or choose to watch TV or watch a movie or listen to karmi music or break a regulative principle, etc., every time we make these choices there will be an investment into our karmic bank account. There will also be an affect on our consciousness, which will affect our perception of the world and ultimately our quality of life. Every moment we're making choices and decisions to influence our reality, yet we're not always aware of the seriousness or consequences our actions have. This goes back to us not really, truly understanding the laws of karma.
If we continually choose maya over Krishna, then we can't complain when the suffering comes. We can't complain when seemingly bad things happen to us. Karma is, as the Beatles sang, "gonna hit you right in the face". How can we be shocked when our lives become full of suffering and misery, both physically and mentally? It's a science. If I choose to speed, the consequence will be that I get a ticket and have to pay fines, go to court, etc. If I choose sinful activity (maya) over Krishna Conscious, devotional activities, then I will have to suffer the three-fold pangs of material existence.
Anyway, this is turning into a dissertation and I really should be studying for a quiz that I'm supposed to be taking in an hour. But as you can see, there are no limits to the lessons learned from the Srimad Speeding Ticketvatam. I could easily go on with other points, but like I said, this is already too long and I have work to do. As Tim Gunn would say, "Carry on".
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