The Empirical Strikes Back

I haven't written here in forever. The time it seems is focused elsewhere, like on my new daughter, my new job and trying to spend quality time with the wife. The day-t0-day duties, struggles and concerns keep me occupied on a moment-to-moment basis, leaving very little time for journaling, writing and self-reflecting.

One of the benefits of my 2 hours and 20 minutes spent in the car every weekday is that I have time to listen to Srila Prabhupada's lectures and discourses. I've recently been listening to his classes on the Bhagavad Gita.

While listening to these lectures I often have doubts, questions and sometimes profound insights. During one lecture Srila Prabhupada was talking about the sun god and how there are living entities that live on the sun planet, but that their bodies are made of fire. His argument for accepting this as truth was that there are living entities on planet earth that live in the water, some live in the air, some live in the extreme cold, etc. His point being that if there are living entities right here on this earth that can live in so many different conditions and in different bodies, then why can't there be living entities that live in fire with fiery bodies?

I was thinking that philosophically this argument could be torn apart. I don't have a degree in philosophy, so I don't know the fancy terms, but it seems like a weak argument to say that because we have experience of fish living in the water then there must be beings made of fire living on the sun.

Srila Prabhupada was also explaining that there are the different ways to know truth (the pramanas) and that the best way is to accept it from the Vedas (sastras). But I was thinking that sometimes it's hard to accept what's in the sastras, because sometimes it seems so fantastical, mythological, metaphorical, allegorical, illogical, etc. that it can feel uncomfortable to "just accept it as truth".

This is of course our major struggle. We like to deal with pratyaksa or direct perception (the empirical in Western thought). We want to be able to know and experience truth through our mind, intelligence and senses. If we can't see it, taste it, touch it, hear it or smell it through our physical senses, then we have a hard time believing it's real. This is precisely the problem when we come to Krishna Consciousness with our materialistic, Western mindset, because pratyaksa and the process of bhakti-yoga go ill together.

Srila Prabhupada was also saying that we can't rely on our direct perception, because our senses are limited and faulty. We can't see tiny bacteria with our naked eye, but they none-the-less exist. We can't hear certain frequencies, but they exist. There are also four defects of the conditioned living entity: 1) imperfect senses, 2) a tendency to cheat, 3) a tendency to be in illusion and 4) a tendency to make mistakes. This is why Prabhupada was saying that we have to accept the authority of the Vedas or the revealed scriptures, because there's no other way for us to know the truth with all of our faults and imperfections. He said it's like accepting the authority of our mother in telling us who our father is. There's no way for us to know for sure who our father is except through the statement of our mother. In this connection Prabhupada was saying that this is why we have to simply accept the authority of the Guru and the Vedas without questioning or arguing, because there's no other way for us to know the truth.

As I was hearing him say this I felt an uncomfortable apprehension. "Accept this as truth without questioning?!" It sounds very cultish to our materialistic, Western minds. How can we accept something without questioning it? And of course I know that Srila Prabhupada means not questioning in a defiant or challenging way. We can question with humility, but we still have to accept whatever the answer is without doubt. And that can be very difficult for us. At least I know at times it's very difficult for me.

Why is it so difficult to just accept everything in the Vedas as truth? Why do we find ourselves having doubts? Why do we find ourselves being seduced by our senses and our empirical way of thinking? We're so addicted and attached to our senses and to the idea that the only thing that is real is what is being filtered through them. I know in theory that this is a terrible way to go around perceiving the world, but it's the only way I know how to. My senses and what they tell me are all I know for certain as being real. Everything that I hear from Guru and the sastras
is all theoretical to me. It's not directly experiened or perceived.

I sometimes wonder how some devotees can accept so much without having any doubts? Perhaps that is why it is said that simplicity is Vaishnavism, because if you're simple like a child and just accept what Guru and sastra says then your life is simple and sublime. If you're complicated and duplicitous then Krishna Consciousness becomes very difficult and you find yourself full of doubt.

It's hard for us, with our conditioning, to just let go and surrender to the authority of Guru and the revealed scriptures. It's hard for us to let go of our sensory way of looking at and thinking about the world around us. What is it in me that won't all me to fully surrender? What is it in me that won't allow me to have complete faith in the process? Because of my empirical way of looking at things I want to be able to see Krishna and experience Him through my senses. If I can't do that then I have a hard time putting myself completely into the process. And isn't that just human nature to doubt something if we haven't experienced it first hand ourself?

We hear that we shouldn't try to see Krishna, but that we should act in a way that Krishna wants to see us. We also hear that we can see Krishna face-to-face, but that we have to develop the spiritual senses to do so. All in all Krishna just seems very elusive. We have the Deity forms of the Lord in order for our dull senses to perceive Him, but the problem is that I'm still seeing Him with dull senses and I can't fully appeciate His presence in such a form. According to my vision He's just standing there motionless, not saying a word and not playing His flute. Again, just as with the Guru and the sastras I have to accept that the Deity is non-different from Krishna. I'm accepting it through faith, not from direct perception or personal experience.

As you can see this process requires a tremendous amount of faith. It requires a faith that is not shaken by doubts. It requires a simplicity of faith that does not challenge or argue. Such faith is the greatest treasure we can obtain in this world. Some devotees are concerned with attaining Krishna prema, but I'm simply concerned with attaining the beginning stage of shrada or faith.

Sweet Irony Pie

There are various definitions of the word "irony" depending on its usage. For my particular musing this definition is quite apropos:

2a. Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs.

We spend so much time and energy trying to make a permanent situation in a world where we know that death is inevitable. In the face of such a reality we may begin to question the purpose of our material pursuits, such as work, school, family, material enjoyment, etc. After all, if we're just going to die, then what's the point of striving so hard to attain our material goals? How does my college degree or my large bank balance help me at the time of death?

It's ironic. We spend so much time trying to get what we want in this material world and in the end it's all taken away! We have an expectation or desire of how things should be. For many of us we never fully actualize all of our desires and for those rare people who actually achieve all of their goals and dreams it's all taken away through illness, old age and ultimately death.

We have the expectation that we'll be here forever, in this same body, with these same friends and family. It's this expectation that leads to the belief in a heaven where you're reunited with all of your family and friends (and even your pets). Unfortunately the reality is that all of these material, bodily connections are temporary. Our expectations do not align with reality and therefore our material existence is ironic.

Human life is meant for inquiry into the purpose of our existence. If I don't stop to question why I'm doing what I'm doing then I'm living in this illusion of bodily identification and the illusion that I'll be here forever. The whole world has its foundation upon this illusion. We rarely stop to question anything, simply living from one material enjoyment to the next and trying to minimize our suffering or misery. We neglect the big questions and ignore the reality of death.

A child builds a sand castle on the edge of the shore, spending so much time and energy creating it. When the tide rises and the waves come in all of their hard work and effort is washed away. Similarly we're in a situation where we spend so much time creating our identities, personalities, families, friendships, living spaces, etc., but when death comes it's all washed away. We know death is a fact and yet we ignore it. We know our life here is temporary, yet we ignore it. That in itself is ironic! We know the reality, yet we choose to live the opposite of it, perhaps hoping it will just go away.

I know that of late many of my blog entries have been about death and impermanence, but don't worry: I'm not having suicidal thoughts! It's just something that Sri Krishna and Sri Guru constantly remind me of. It's easy to get so bogged down in our day to day existence and overwhelmed with our responsibilities and obligations that we forget this is all temporary. It's easy to forget that there's something beyond all of this. And as soon as we forget that this present material life isn't the be all and end all, then at that moment we fall back into the same old illusions, further prolonging our anxiety, suffering and depression.

Time Keeps on Ticking

Time…it can be our enemy or our best friend, just like our mind. How we spend our time determines the quality and nature of our existence. So many people spend their time absorbed in activities of sense gratification and personal gain. After all, that’s the symptom of being in the material world. This is a place where jivas (individual spirit souls) go when they want to forget about Krishna (God). So it’s no wonder that so many people spend their time in activities trying to forget about God and focusing only on selfish interests.

A life spent in selfish pursuits of sense gratification and material gain is a life wasted. Time is relentlessly marching forward, unconcerned about human affairs. We cannot control time. Therefore Krishna says in the Bhagavad gita that He is time, the destroyer of worlds (BG 11.32). Time is a factor that is beyond us, outside of our ability to manipulate. In this way it’s a representation of God.

We are all under the control of time. Imperceptibly time is aging our physical bodies, bringing us closer to death at every second. Time also creates anxiety within us, because it separates us from our desires. When we want something very intensely or when we’re experiencing something unpleasant, time seems to move so slowly. Conversely, when we’re enjoying something, time seems to move way too quickly. Therefore we’re put into anxiety about the passing of time.
How we spend out time creates our reality. If we spend our time absorbed in materialistic things and materialistic association, then that becomes our existence. If we spend our time absorbed in transcendence and spiritual association, then that becomes our existence.

I always come full circle with these reflections. In order to become fully Krishna Conscious and to develop love for God one has to be completely absorbed in such thoughts and activities. The problem is that we must desire to be in such a state. And it is the desire which is often lacking. It is so much easier to be complacent, to be cynical about the process and to not fight against the waves of illusion that are constantly bombarding us.

Sometimes it feels that there’s not enough incentive to pursue a devotional, spiritual lifestyle. Why should I get up at 4am and chant and pray for two hours? Why should I spend an hour or more reading the sastras? Why should I bother going to the temple? How will these things benefit me in my material life?

And therein lies the problem: these devotional activities are not meant to benefit my material existence! Chanting my rounds doesn’t guarantee a comfortable, prosperous material life! Time spent in devotional activities is meant to benefit me in the bigger scheme of things. And that’s why it’s so hard sometimes to see the importance or necessity of it, because we’re so focused only on the here and now. We don’t stop to consider how time is moving us forward towards death. We don’t see how this present life is just a momentary existence. We don’t realize that this body and mind that we currently reside in are not really who we are! Therefore, in our conditioned state of existence, devotional activities seem like a waste of time. However, if we could step back and see the bigger picture we would see that our existence goes beyond just this present moment in time. Our existence will continue after this material body dies.

Of course all of this requires faith. It requires faith that we’re eternal, spiritual entities. It requires faith that we will continue to exist after death. It requires faith that the Holy Name will bring us to Krishna. It requires faith that Krishna is real. Everything that a spiritual or religious person does is based on faith. We do the things we do because we believe in the paths we have chosen.

Perhaps this is why I waste so much time, because my faith is weak. There are too many doubts, too many unknown variables. I know that I am dying. I know that I won’t be here in this body forever. Yet even knowing this is not enough motivation to chant my rounds, study the sastras and associate with more advanced Vaishnavas. There are just so many other distractions, worrying about jobs and money and how to maintain this material existence. Perhaps I have lost dependence on Krishna and therefore feel so much more anxiety. Perhaps I have become too influenced by the externals around me and haven’t focused deeply within on Paramatma.

At the end of every day I should ask myself, “What did I do today that brought me closer to Krishna or that raised my consciousness?” Otherwise without such reflection everyday will just be another day of time wasted, absorbed in selfish thoughts, selfish desires, anxiety, frustration and self-pity.