Where Did the Reflections Go?

My ambitious project to record a daily meditation/reflection on a photo of my Guru Maharaja ultimately crashed and burned. I realized after the Day 9 through 14 post that writing about six photos in one day was defeating the purpose of a "daily" meditation. And then it happened again where I was so backed up with work and life that I didn't have time to write anything for like six or seven days. I thought, "Well, I could do another 'round up' type of post and just do a big chunk of writing", but then I started to feel it becoming a chore and that's precisely what I didn't want it to become. I wanted it to be spontaneous and heartfelt. Instead it was becoming tedious, mechanical and just another task to complete. This isn't the right way to enter a meditation on transcendence.

So I gave in (or perhaps gave up) the notion of reflecting on a photo every single day. Sometimes I get so frustrated living a life that is so distracting towards my real welfare and benefit. My mind is so often absorbed in things that ultimately are meaningless; fickle little romps with sense gratification and maya. The material energy keeps pulling my mind and senses outward, pulling my face and my vision towards the illusory and temporary. It keep me distracted from looking inward and from pursuing the ultimate goal of life. "Over here! Over here! Look at me! Look at this! You need this! You want this! Here is happiness! Try this! Do this!" Maya is like a little kid who is starved for attention. She doesn't want us to look away from her. Doesn't want us to forget about her.

Sometimes, by the grace of Sri Guru, I look away from her face and stop listening to her cries for attention. When I do I see my death. I see the temporary nature of this current life I'm living and of this body I'm in. It's this sort of "holy shit" moment where you stop and realize, "I'm going to die and none of this superfluous stuff matters." In that state of mind an eagerness to travel inward and to connect with Sri Krishna in the heart manifests. We begin to crave the true, lasting reality, the Absolute Truth. We want to swim and live in that inner world, going deeper and deeper to our true nature and our relationship with the beings in that world.

And then in an instant Maya pulls us back out into the external world and floods our minds with material thoughts, "Oh, I need to pay this bill, wash the dishes, get stuff ready for work in the morning, get my car checked, go here, go there, do this, do that." And just that quickly the inner world fades and seems like a dream or a figment of our imaginations. Then we go back to putting all of our energy (mental, emotional and physical) into the temporary concerns of this world and of pursuing sense gratification. It's a crazy game and it's scary how easily we fall into it. Maya is so powerful. There's no way we can overcome it by our own endeavors. This is why in kali-yuga everything is based on mercy.

Oh Gurudeva, by your mercy alone do I even momentarily look away from the face of Maya. Thank you for this little drop of mercy to remind me of my true necessity.