When Devotees Suffer

I can't stop writing! I thought I was going to end with the previous post, but there are so many thoughts, realizations and reflections going on in my mind. I want to get them all out on the "paper".

Regarding the last post, I was thinking about how suffering comes to us because of our sinful (maya) activities. But then I was thinking about the devotees and considering why sometimes they have to experience seemingly material suffering? For example, just now HH Jayapataka Swami Maharaja is in a hospital in Mumbai after having experienced a serious brain hemorrhage. Of all the souls in the world, why would such a saintly, surrendered Vaishnava devotee of the Lord have to experience such a terrible thing? Here we come back into the sticky, vague, ephemeral, intricate, complex world of karma. Perhaps there just simply isn't any way for us to logically understand it. Perhaps it was the misdeeds of his disciples. Perhaps it was some karmic reaction from something in a previous life. Who are we to understand or comprehend it?

I even think about my own Guru Maharaja and how he had to struggle and suffer with cancer. Why? He was completely surrendered to Srila Prabhupada and Krishna. What was the necessity of him having to experience such physical, mental and emotional trauma? Again, there are no easy answers here.

As a neophyte devotee, it's easy to question, "Well if even staunch, surrendered devotees have to experience this kind of suffering, then why bother trying to be a strict devotee? Why not just enjoy my senses then? After all, suffering is going to come anyway!" But is our intention as devotees really an attempt to end all suffering? Are we like the Buddhists who want to enter into a state of blissful nothingness? No. The goal of the bhakta is not to bring an end to material suffering, but rather to bring pleasure to Krishna.

This sort of consciousness can only be understood in sarangati or complete surrender. "Thy will be done". The true devotee doesn't care about their own suffering or inconvenience. They don't care about their own pleasure or happiness. They only want to serve the devotees and Krishna. They accept material suffering and struggle as Krishna's sweet will. They are not experiencing the karmic results of any sort of misdeed, because they have completely given themselves to the Lord. So where is this suffering coming from? Why does Krishna bring it to them?

It is a very esoteric and deep topic. Only the pure devotee that is experiencing it can really understand or interpret it. It's an individual experience meant for that particular devotee's own internal cultivation. Krishna gives each one of us individualized attention and brings to us what we need in order to come closer to Him. He krishna karuna-sindhu! He is an ocean of mercy and that mercy comes in various forms. To the outsider it may appear that a pure, fully surrendered devotee is suffering just like anyone else, but in reality that devotee is experiencing a deep, internal bliss and connection with Krishna.

I think it was in one of HH Satsvarupa Maharaja's books (or maybe it was one of HG Hari Suari Prabhu's books) where there is this photo of Srila Prabhupada looking extremely grave and sad. He almost looks depressed. Someone asked him why he looked so sad and Srila Prabhupada replied that he wasn't and that at that moment he was experiencing a profound ecstasy. So from our external vision we cannot always understand what's going on within the heart of the pure devotee.

Obviously the suffering of a neophyte is something different. There is still karma to be burned off and sometimes there is still indulgence in sense gratification. But the pure devotees, those who are fully surrendered, they do not suffer like us and we should understand this. Their consciousness is on a different platform and their internal world is something we can't comprehend. We can't let the suffering of these great Vaishnavas weaken our faith or give us doubts about the process of devotional service. When we ourselves come to such a transcendental, purified state of consciousness, we too will understand first hand the overwhelming mercy and ecstasy experienced through such apparent suffering.