Brahmacaris, Celibacy and Sex Life

*WARNING!*

DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY THE DISCUSSION OF SEXUAL TOPICS. THE COMIC STRIP I HAVE POSTED HERE AND THIS BLOG ENTRY ARE OF A SEXUAL NATURE.

I created the following comic strip entitled "Brahmacari Blues" to address an oft-not discussed topic: brahmacari's dealing with sex desire. In my personal experience of 7 years as a celibate, brahmacari monk, the last 3 of those years was fraught with sex desire and doubts about the path I was on. But it always seemed like the topic of sex and masturbation just wasn't something you talked about with your fellow monks. And it was also something you dare not discuss with anyone else for fear of judgement or ridicule. Yet I wonder how many other brahmacaris that I was with and that I met in my journeys were also silently struggling with sex desire? And what to speak of brahmacaris, how many devotees in general are struggling with controlling sex desire?

The topic of sex life just seems to be one of those things that many devotees don't feel comfortable talking about. And obviously there has to be some sense of chastity, privacy and appropriateness in its discussion. But it just seems like if more devotees were open and honest about it, then there wouldn't be so much guilt, feelings of failure or feelings of isolation. If someone thinks, "Well gee...every other devotee is so happy and blissfully engaged in chanting and rendering their service. I must be the only one struggling with sex desire and chanting my rounds!" then obviously there will be feelings of alienation, despair and lacking.

In this comic strip a brahmacari is happily leading a kirtan down a city street. Then he encounters visions that are not uncommon in today's society: ads and images of sex. He tries his best to not dwell on them, but then the kirtan party encounters two scantily clad and well-endowed women on the beach. His mind and focus are disturbed. Later that evening he dreams of sex life and experiences a "wet dream". He feels dejected and that he'll never become free of sex desire. Click on the image below to read it:


One of the greatest forces in this material world is sex desire. Arjuna asks Sri Krishna in the Bhagavad-gita, "O descendant of Vrsni, by what is one impelled to sinful acts, even unwillingly, as if engaged by force?" Sri Krishna replies, "It is lust only Arjuna, which is born of contact with the material modes of passion and later transformed into wrath, and which is the all-devouring, sinful enemy of the world." (Bhagavad-gita, Chap.3, verses 36-37).

We are driven by lust, which is characterized by selfishness and self-centered desires and pursuits. It makes us do things without thinking of the consequences.

Srila Prabhupada says in his purport to the 39th verse of the third chapter in the Bhagavad-gita:

"It is said in the Manu-smrti that lust cannot be satisfied by any amount of sense enjoyment, just as fire is never extinguished by a constant supply of fuel. In the material world, the center of all activities is sex, and thus this material world is called maithunya-agara, or the shackles of sex life. In the ordinary prison house, criminals are kept within bars; similarly, the criminals who are disobedient to the laws of the Lord are shackled by sex life. Advancement of material civilization on the basis of sense gratification means increasing the duration of the material existence of a living entity. Therefore, this lust is the symbol of ignorance by which the living entity is kept within the material world. While one enjoys sense gratification, it may be that there is some feeling of happiness, but actually that so-called feeling of happiness is the ultimate enemy of the sense enjoyer."

This is definitely a shocking view of sex life to those of us who have been brought up in a liberal, modern society that promotes sexual activity and promiscuity. Our culture is becoming more and more sexualized and it's reflected in the dress, attitudes and activities of pre-teens and teenage pregnancy.

Sexual energy is one of the most powerful material energies. Lord Vishnu even displayed it to bewilder the mind of Lord Shiva. As Srila Prabhupada says in a Srimad Bhagavatam purport (8.12.16):

"Lord Siva's desiring to see Lord Vishnu reveal the most attractive and beautiful form of a woman was certainly a joking affair. Lord Siva knew that he could not be agitated by any so-called beautiful woman. "The Daityas may have been bewildered," he thought, "but since even the demigods could not be agitated, what to speak of me, who am the best of all the demigods?" However, because Lord Siva wanted to see Lord Vishnu's form as a woman, Lord Vishnu decided to impersonate a woman and show him a form that would immediately put him in an ocean of lusty desires."

There are many more examples in the Srimad Bhagavatam of how sex desire brought down many a great sage and yogi. And we know even in modern times that many so-called spiritual and material leaders have fallen prey to unrestricted sex desire and scandal.

So we know that it is lusty, selfish desire that propels us towards sexual activity. Why is it so enticing and attractive? It's because of the pleasure we experience from it. Srila Prabhupada also explains this pleasure in a purport from Srimad Bhagavatam (2.6.8):

"The genitals and the pleasure of begetting counteract the distresses of family encumbrances. One would cease to generate altogether if there were not, by the grace of the Lord, a coating, a pleasure-giving substance, on the surface of the generative organs. This substance gives a pleasure so intense that it counteracts fully the distress of family encumbrances. A person is so captivated by this pleasure-giving substance that he is not satisfied by begetting a single child, but increases the number of children, with great risk in regard to maintaining them, simply for this pleasure-giving substance.

This pleasure-giving substance is not false, however, because it originates from the transcendental body of the Lord. In other words, the pleasure-giving substance is a reality, but it has taken on an aspect of pervertedness on account of material contamination. In the material world, sex life is the cause of many distresses on account of material contact.

Therefore, the sex life in the material world should not be encouraged beyond the necessity. There is a necessity for generating progeny even in the material world, but such generation of children must be carried out with full responsibility for spiritual values. The spiritual values of life can be realized in the human form of material existence, and the human being must adopt family planning with reference to the context of spiritual values, and not otherwise.

The degraded form of family restriction by use of contraceptives, etc., is the grossest type of material contamination. Materialists who use these devices want to fully utilize the pleasure potency of the coating on the genitals by artificial means, without knowing the spiritual importance. And without knowledge of spiritual values, the less intelligent man tries to utilize only the material sense pleasure of the genitals."

We know from scientific evidence that this "coating" on the genitals is nothing more than a higher density of nerve endings. When these nerve endings are stimulated there is a release of chemicals in the brain known as endorphins. These endorphins give us a sense of pleasure, happiness and euphoria. In other words, material ecstasy. Sexual stimulation is one of the most powerful forms of sense gratification and pleasure in the material world. In one sense, it's no different than becoming addicted to any other form of chemically-based sense gratification, like drugs, alcohol, etc. And from a higher perspective, ALL sense gratification is nothing more than an experience of chemical stimulation in our brains.

So what do we do with this sex desire? Stephen Knapp (Srinandanandana Das) has written an excellent article on this topic. You can read it here:

http://www.stephen-knapp.com/becoming_free_from_sex_desire.htm

It's a dense read, but well worth the time to consume and reflect upon.

Will I Ever Cry for Krishna?

Just a couple days ago, while reading H.H. Radhanath Swami's autobiography, I was reflecting on what makes one person so dedicated and focused on the path of bhakti, while another person is weak, lazy and unfocused? We see in every religion that there are different types of worshippers or practitioners. Some people are very devout; never missing a service, chanting, praying, strictly following their scriptures, etc. At the same time, someone in the same religion could be full of hypocrisy, have no morals, rarely attend their church or temple or mosque, etc., but they still adhere to their beliefs and faith. Maybe sometimes a person is sincere, but just weak in their faith. In other instances perhaps they were just born into their religion, so they just follow the externals because it's socially expected of them.

Even within the Gaudiya-Vaishnava theology we have different levels of devotee, i.e. - the kanistha, the madhyam and the uttama-adhikaris. We're all at different levels of spiritual advancement and realization. We're all engaging in devotional service for our own reasons, just as in other religions, people are following their beliefs for their own reasons. We all have some kind of motivation for adhering to our particular faith or belief.

As we're trudging along on the path of bhakti, we constantly have to take self inventory. When self analysis and reflection stop, so does our advancement. I've noted in myself that when I become complacent, lazy or disinterested in my devotional life that I have so much more stress, anxiety and depression. If we take a break from chanting or hearing or associating with more advanced Vaishnavas, then the material modes of nature and maya will devour us. Our minds and senses will take full control. We can't be careless or whimsical on this path of devotion. It truly is a science and if we want the results we have to follow it properly.

Still, knowing what is to be done, why does this desire not arise within my heart? Why do I find it hard to be motivated to chant 16 rounds everyday? To study the sastras everyday? To run where higher Vaishnava association is available? Why do I find my mind still more attracted to sense gratification than to Krishna?

Even when I wore the saffron cloth of a brahmacari and had a shaven head and sikha, in those last few years in the temple I was losing taste for devotional service and for chanting. Where did that early enthusiasm and zeal disappear to? I used to jump so high in the kirtans and dance like a madman for the pleasure of the Deities and my Guru Maharaja, but now I'm a wallflower, standing in the background and softly clapping my hands. I used to be so eager to preach and share Krishna with others by going out on book distribution or sankirtan. So what happened? How did I go from fixed up a brahmacari to a struggling fringy?

I was speaking with one devotee a couple weeks ago and he was saying that since Krishna Consciousness is a science, that when something is going wrong in your devotional life then it means you're not following something properly. He was saying how offenses in devotional service can stifle one's progress. Perhaps it was because of my accumulated offenses to my Guru Maharaja, to the Deities and to the devotees that ultimately I lost all taste for the devotional process and left the temple to pursue a materialistic, self-absorbed existence.

Maybe I wasn't humble enough. Maybe I wasn't surrendered enough. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Obviously the past can't be changed, nor is there any reason to dwell upon it. All we have is the present moment. And in this present moment I find myself at every second being given the choice to be Krishna Conscious or to be in maya. A few days ago I posted a Facebook update that said something like, "Jayadeva Dasa is wondering when his mind will remain fixed on the lotus feet of Sri Guru and Sri Krishna without diversion". Some people responded that it could be NOW if I wanted it to be. And it's so true. It's our desire that determines our consciousness.

I always come full circle with this kind of thinking. If we desire to be Krishna Conscious then we'll be Krishna Conscious. Well what if we don't have the desire? Then associate with those who do! And if you don't have the desire to even pursue that kind of association, then pray to Guru and Krishna to attain it. We are definitely mercy cases in this kali yuga. How unfortunate I am that I have come this close the ocean of bhakti-yoga, yet I am unable to dive deeply into it. Due to my weak mind and desires for sense gratification I cannot enter deeply into the mysteries of bhakti. I cannot experience those higher states of realization, awareness and love.

By the grace of Srila Prabhupada and our Gurus we know what the process is. We know what is to be done...yet we find ourselves unable or uninterested. As the great Vaishnava poets might say, "Alas! Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and Sri Nityananda Prabhu have descended on this earth to drown every living entity in the ocean of pure love for God, yet I am so unfortunate that not even a drop of this love has touched me!"

We have to become eager for Krishna Consciousness. We have to long for it, desire it and cry for it. We have to understand its importance and urgency. We have to feel empty and void without it. Without such feeling we will always give in to the maya, give in to the sense gratification, give in to our lower, material natures. If we don't think we're in danger, we'll never cry out to the Lord and as Srila Prabhupada has said, one has to chant the Holy Name as a child in distress cries out for their mother or father.

My dear Guru Maharaja, please give me this gift of being able to sincerely and humbly cry for Krishna's mercy, love and service. It is through this intense eagerness and crying that I will be able to remain fixed on the path of devotional service and to always make the right choices and pass all the tests.