Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Brahmacaris, Celibacy and Sex Life

*WARNING!*

DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY THE DISCUSSION OF SEXUAL TOPICS. THE COMIC STRIP I HAVE POSTED HERE AND THIS BLOG ENTRY ARE OF A SEXUAL NATURE.

I created the following comic strip entitled "Brahmacari Blues" to address an oft-not discussed topic: brahmacari's dealing with sex desire. In my personal experience of 7 years as a celibate, brahmacari monk, the last 3 of those years was fraught with sex desire and doubts about the path I was on. But it always seemed like the topic of sex and masturbation just wasn't something you talked about with your fellow monks. And it was also something you dare not discuss with anyone else for fear of judgement or ridicule. Yet I wonder how many other brahmacaris that I was with and that I met in my journeys were also silently struggling with sex desire? And what to speak of brahmacaris, how many devotees in general are struggling with controlling sex desire?

The topic of sex life just seems to be one of those things that many devotees don't feel comfortable talking about. And obviously there has to be some sense of chastity, privacy and appropriateness in its discussion. But it just seems like if more devotees were open and honest about it, then there wouldn't be so much guilt, feelings of failure or feelings of isolation. If someone thinks, "Well gee...every other devotee is so happy and blissfully engaged in chanting and rendering their service. I must be the only one struggling with sex desire and chanting my rounds!" then obviously there will be feelings of alienation, despair and lacking.

In this comic strip a brahmacari is happily leading a kirtan down a city street. Then he encounters visions that are not uncommon in today's society: ads and images of sex. He tries his best to not dwell on them, but then the kirtan party encounters two scantily clad and well-endowed women on the beach. His mind and focus are disturbed. Later that evening he dreams of sex life and experiences a "wet dream". He feels dejected and that he'll never become free of sex desire. Click on the image below to read it:


One of the greatest forces in this material world is sex desire. Arjuna asks Sri Krishna in the Bhagavad-gita, "O descendant of Vrsni, by what is one impelled to sinful acts, even unwillingly, as if engaged by force?" Sri Krishna replies, "It is lust only Arjuna, which is born of contact with the material modes of passion and later transformed into wrath, and which is the all-devouring, sinful enemy of the world." (Bhagavad-gita, Chap.3, verses 36-37).

We are driven by lust, which is characterized by selfishness and self-centered desires and pursuits. It makes us do things without thinking of the consequences.

Srila Prabhupada says in his purport to the 39th verse of the third chapter in the Bhagavad-gita:

"It is said in the Manu-smrti that lust cannot be satisfied by any amount of sense enjoyment, just as fire is never extinguished by a constant supply of fuel. In the material world, the center of all activities is sex, and thus this material world is called maithunya-agara, or the shackles of sex life. In the ordinary prison house, criminals are kept within bars; similarly, the criminals who are disobedient to the laws of the Lord are shackled by sex life. Advancement of material civilization on the basis of sense gratification means increasing the duration of the material existence of a living entity. Therefore, this lust is the symbol of ignorance by which the living entity is kept within the material world. While one enjoys sense gratification, it may be that there is some feeling of happiness, but actually that so-called feeling of happiness is the ultimate enemy of the sense enjoyer."

This is definitely a shocking view of sex life to those of us who have been brought up in a liberal, modern society that promotes sexual activity and promiscuity. Our culture is becoming more and more sexualized and it's reflected in the dress, attitudes and activities of pre-teens and teenage pregnancy.

Sexual energy is one of the most powerful material energies. Lord Vishnu even displayed it to bewilder the mind of Lord Shiva. As Srila Prabhupada says in a Srimad Bhagavatam purport (8.12.16):

"Lord Siva's desiring to see Lord Vishnu reveal the most attractive and beautiful form of a woman was certainly a joking affair. Lord Siva knew that he could not be agitated by any so-called beautiful woman. "The Daityas may have been bewildered," he thought, "but since even the demigods could not be agitated, what to speak of me, who am the best of all the demigods?" However, because Lord Siva wanted to see Lord Vishnu's form as a woman, Lord Vishnu decided to impersonate a woman and show him a form that would immediately put him in an ocean of lusty desires."

There are many more examples in the Srimad Bhagavatam of how sex desire brought down many a great sage and yogi. And we know even in modern times that many so-called spiritual and material leaders have fallen prey to unrestricted sex desire and scandal.

So we know that it is lusty, selfish desire that propels us towards sexual activity. Why is it so enticing and attractive? It's because of the pleasure we experience from it. Srila Prabhupada also explains this pleasure in a purport from Srimad Bhagavatam (2.6.8):

"The genitals and the pleasure of begetting counteract the distresses of family encumbrances. One would cease to generate altogether if there were not, by the grace of the Lord, a coating, a pleasure-giving substance, on the surface of the generative organs. This substance gives a pleasure so intense that it counteracts fully the distress of family encumbrances. A person is so captivated by this pleasure-giving substance that he is not satisfied by begetting a single child, but increases the number of children, with great risk in regard to maintaining them, simply for this pleasure-giving substance.

This pleasure-giving substance is not false, however, because it originates from the transcendental body of the Lord. In other words, the pleasure-giving substance is a reality, but it has taken on an aspect of pervertedness on account of material contamination. In the material world, sex life is the cause of many distresses on account of material contact.

Therefore, the sex life in the material world should not be encouraged beyond the necessity. There is a necessity for generating progeny even in the material world, but such generation of children must be carried out with full responsibility for spiritual values. The spiritual values of life can be realized in the human form of material existence, and the human being must adopt family planning with reference to the context of spiritual values, and not otherwise.

The degraded form of family restriction by use of contraceptives, etc., is the grossest type of material contamination. Materialists who use these devices want to fully utilize the pleasure potency of the coating on the genitals by artificial means, without knowing the spiritual importance. And without knowledge of spiritual values, the less intelligent man tries to utilize only the material sense pleasure of the genitals."

We know from scientific evidence that this "coating" on the genitals is nothing more than a higher density of nerve endings. When these nerve endings are stimulated there is a release of chemicals in the brain known as endorphins. These endorphins give us a sense of pleasure, happiness and euphoria. In other words, material ecstasy. Sexual stimulation is one of the most powerful forms of sense gratification and pleasure in the material world. In one sense, it's no different than becoming addicted to any other form of chemically-based sense gratification, like drugs, alcohol, etc. And from a higher perspective, ALL sense gratification is nothing more than an experience of chemical stimulation in our brains.

So what do we do with this sex desire? Stephen Knapp (Srinandanandana Das) has written an excellent article on this topic. You can read it here:

http://www.stephen-knapp.com/becoming_free_from_sex_desire.htm

It's a dense read, but well worth the time to consume and reflect upon.

9 comments:

Radhapriya devi dasi said...

awesome.Thanks Prabhu, I reposted the contents over on one of my blog along with a link to a Corey Russells lecture. See: http://jayaradhe.livejournal.com/220332.html, if you're interested.

While the ins and outs of sex desire are not something we generally discuss in group settings , Bhakti Vikas Maharaj has pretty thoroughly discussed things in "Brahmacarya in Krishna Consciousness." Besides that it always helps to have senior devotees we can reveal our heart to in confidence so that they can guide you through difficult

Devadeva Mirel said...

jayadeva..excellent. one thing i would like to add to the conversation...for a young woman living in the ashram with hopes of marriage...it is a difficult thing to be ignored by one's fellow inmates yet watch them happily conversing/preaching with half naked girls when out doing books/harinama.

i think what you have introduced with such honesty here is a need to discuss the divide between the expectations of us as devotees and the reality of our ability to practice.

i just watched an episode of this american life last nite and there was a man running for congress in virginia who practiced radical honesty. what a revolutionary concept! i find you speaking about your difficulties along the path to Krishna radically honest, the writing of a true revolutionary.

Please keep it coming!

Also, I am just in love with the art side of things. Your drawings are terrific! Did you do it on the computer or marker or paints or what? Would love to know more about that.

Jayadeva said...

Thank you Radhapriya and Devadeva dd's for your kind comments.

Radhapriya, I just left this comment over at your Live Journal:

"Thanks for re-posting my blog entry here on your LJ. That was kind of you. Thank you also for the kind words.

I don't have time to watch all of that Corey Russells video right now, but I did watch part of it. The thing that bothers me with most Christian preaching is the fanatical conviction that Jesus is the only way to God. At one point he was saying that a man born of God or that has the seed of God in them cannot do any sin. Basically saying that once you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior that you're not considered sinful anymore.

In Gaudiya-Vaishnava theology we understand this concept to be like the disciple accepting the Guru. Once we accept a Guru and go through the initiation samskara we're supposed to be "born again", as the Guru is taking on our karmic (sinful) burden.

Obviously though this process isn't so cut and dry, as many disciples of many Gurus have fallen down back into sinful life, whether it be intoxication, illicit sex, etc. This also happens in the Christian world when people accept Jesus and in pretty much any bonafide world religion. Our free will always remains and our struggle to make the choice between maya or Krishna is always present before us.

Anyway, thank you again for the re-post. This is definitely an important discussion."

And Devadeva, you really nailed it with this comment here:

"i think what you have introduced with such honesty here is a need to discuss the divide between the expectations of us as devotees and the reality of our ability to practice."

I believe it's this point that is the foundation of all of our problems and struggles on the devotional path. In the beginning it's made out to be so easy and joyful, and it is, but after you go on for some years and you start dealing with material desires or attachments or you start seriously trying to become more selfless, the process starts to become very difficult. Our determination wavers and doubts begin to overshadow our faith.

And again, when you see everyone else so apparently blissful and problem-free in Krishna Consciousness you can start to wonder, "Man...am I the ONLY one struggling like this?! Am I the ONLY one doubting this process?"

So yeah, I believe that openly and honestly discussing these topics is very important to the mental and spiritual health of the Vaishnava community as a whole.

Thank you both again for your comments.

Ananga-manjari said...

Dear Jayadeva,
Bravo & THANK YOU!

It's about dang time someone rips this topic wide open. I have been waiting during my near 15 yrs in KC to be able to speak candidly and safely about not only my own desires but also my experience of being taken advantage of by bramacharis while living in the temple.

Perhaps, we can become an international society of honesty and empathy as we continue to keep the dialogue going.

Peace,
Ananga-manjari

Devadeva Mirel said...

wow, jayadeva, your response was like another blog post!

one thing i would like to add, and i hope it is okay that i take it to a personal level, i always thought (when we lived in the temple together...you as brahmacari) that you were a super nice person. thanks for that!

your post reminds me how when my son was a baby we would go on harinama on south street in philly with the bangla brahmacaris. sex shops and lewd people everywhere...there was even a woman with the butt cheeks cut out of her jeans. i decided delivering the holy name on south street was no place for a baby and also thought it was no place for these young bengali boys...but it seemed like speaking about it would make me seem like a hussy...what a weird feeling!

ok..gotta cook. my love to the missus and the young zombie vampire dancer kirtaniya.

Jayadeva said...

Dear "Hare Krishna Diary",

I'm sorry you felt so offended by this post. And I'm sorry you completely misunderstood the intention of my comic strip.

I don't feel that I portrayed ALL brahmacaris as "repressed sexual fanatics". In the comic strip this particular brahmacari is the only one among the kirtan party having a problem. And if you notice, he's sincere and actually trying to not be distracted or indulging in sexual imagery. And he doesn't willfully act on his desires either; it just happens by accident in a dream. And it makes him feel dejected and frustrated, because he sincerely wants to be free from sex desire.

So again, maybe you just missed that point. Maybe you just want to find something to argue about.

I never even knew there were "anti-celibacy forces" within the ISKCON movement, so I surely had no intention of giving them more "fuel".

The fact is, yes, there are indeed sincere, fixed up brahmacaris that don't think about or meditate upon sex life. They are special and rare souls and should be honored as such. Sometimes though there are brahmacaris struggling with sex desire and masturbation tendencies and they have to silently suffer for fear of ridicule or judgement. There's a fear of just being honest with themselves and others that perhaps the brahmacari ashram isn't the best place to be for them.

Again, I'm sorry if you missed my intention. I was in no way making any attempt to do any "blanket-labeling" or to "mockingly portray" brahmacaris. This wasn't a comic strip about the brahmacari ashram. It was a comic strip about an INDIVIDUAL's struggle with the temptations of the material world and their mind and senses. And I'm pretty sure we're ALL experiencing that. If not, then you're already transcendental and must be experiencing Krishna-prema.

Tulasi said...

Brilliantly shocking, Jayadeva
*clap clap* I hoping, though, that you weren't called into the Dean's office and given an "only behind closed doors speech..."

I'm with Devadeva, fascinated by the art side of things, too. Would you consider doing a blog entry where you explain how you transformed your ideas into a series of graphic electronic images?

your friend

Jayadeva said...

Tulasi, thank you for your comment. Nah, there was no "behind closed doors speech" in the "Dean's Office". I'm pretty independent and non-partisan, so there's really no one monitoring or censoring what I write. Well, except for Sri Guru/Paramatma.

As far as the art side of things, this was a pretty straight forward drawing. Just used pencil and ink pens then colored it in Photoshop. There's not much of a process other than a) I have an idea, b) put the idea on paper, c) make it look pretty and d) post it. :^)

Tulasi said...

Ever thought of moonlighting as a cartoon artist?

I think you'd be great ;)