The universe (aka - Shri Krishna) seems to be telling me that I'm a lazy piece of shit that's full of excuses. It started on Facebook last week when I saw a post by my dear god brother Advaita Acarya. It was a link to a video (which I didn't watch), but his comment was something like, "For those who see the importance of distributing Srila Prabhupada's books they'll find a way to do it. For those who don't they'll find a lot of excuses why they can't." Something like that. I replied with a half-joke, "If you ever need excuses, I have a long list (winky face)." I thought I was joking (and he knew I was joking), but was I really joking? Or was there some truth to what I had just said?
Then one night while laying down I was reading this article on Cracked.com:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
It was like the events of that earlier day all started to make sense. Without going into too much detail, basically I was yelled at for work-related stuff. It was very shocking and emotional for me. I was even crying about it. I was already emotional because of being sick and dealing with the side effects of antibiotics. The getting yelled at was just the proverbial straw that broke my back. It was devastating.
So when I read that article on Cracked.com it was as if Paramatma was speaking to me, telling me the reason why I was getting reprimanded: I'm lazy and full of excuses.
Then today I got an email from my wife and it was a link to this:
http://zenpencils.com/comic/97-charles-bukowski-air-and-light-and-time-and-space/
BAM! There it was...again. And when I asked my wife why she sent it to me, she mentioned how she thought it was a cool comic and that it could also be related to sadhana.
So there it is. Shri Krishna and Shri Guru are clearly speaking to me. I need to stop being lazy, stop making excuses. Not only in terms of devotional service, but just in general, in life itself. Life is not about sitting idly by the side and just avoiding everything and waiting for death.
The really icing on the cake about the message Krishna is sending me was when I came across this video on YouTube by accident:
Spiritual activism. Yeah. Being active. Spiritual life is not about doing nothing. It's not about moving into a cave and not mingling with society, although at times that's exactly what I'd like to do. No. The real experience, the real lessons, the real opportunity to put ideals into practice is out here in the world.
My desire to negate everything (like the Buddhists) is quite impersonal. My relationships with everyone are reflections of how I relate with Shri Guru and Shri Krishna. Seeing duality between people I like and people I don't like is all illusion. Everything is Krishna and Krishna's energies. And I don't mean that in a "repeating what I heard" kind of way. I mean that in the way that THAT'S reality. To not see that is illusion.
Shri Guru speaks to us through everyone and everything, as long as we are receptive to it and not defensive, absorbed in false ego or full of pride. Through humility we can hear the message. We can't hold on to our initial negative reactions of anger, hurt, betrayal, disdain, denial, etc. We can't get caught up in the externals or only see the surface of things. We have to look beyond the appearance of the messenger and hear the message. We have to realize that every interaction with others is an interaction with Krishna.
So now that I can hear what Krishna is trying to tell me, the question becomes, "What am I going to do with this message?" Am I going to ignore it and keep doing whatever? Or am I going to try and make an improvement? Am I going to try and stop making excuses for everything and become proactive and enthused about serving everyone and everything?
My tendency to be lazy is deep-rooted. My tendency to make excuses is also deep-rooted. I can only pray to Shri Nityananda Prabhu that just as He has given me this message, that please also give me the strength to make a change.
No comments:
Post a Comment