Daily Meditation on my Gurudeva - Day 8: "Blissful Life"

This is bliss. No worries, no anxieties. Just dancing, chanting, feasting. Sure, being a Swami isn’t all fun and games. It’s physically and mentally draining to travel around the world and to deal with the effects of different time zones. And then to have to be fully available and present for the devotees by talking to them, hearing their problems, taking on their anxieties, etc. Of course I’d rather have these “problems” of life than the mundane problems of “babies, bills and business” (as I once heard Hridayananda Maharaja say in an old lecture).

Sometimes I think about this disconnect between sannyasi-life and the life of the average grihasta living out in the world and having to deal with so much mundane stuff. That’s not to say there’s no such thing as an ideal house holder life or like you can’t be Krishna Conscious while being married and working out in the world. It’s just sometimes a million times harder than being a temple devotee or living with nothing else to do but chant, read and eat prasadam.

My Guru Maharaja laughed at me in an email once and said it was funny that I was thinking life would be easier living out of the temple. It said it could be easier if one becomes “somewhat of a cheater”. But yeah, to genuinely practice sadhana-bhakti and to be married with kids and dealing with a job and bills and money, it just becomes a real distraction. It’s much harder to chant 16, quality rounds when you don’t live in the temple. It’s also much harder to eat only prasadam.

Anyway, I didn’t mean for this to become a ramble of excuses about why it’s harder being a devotee living outside than being a sannyasi or a temple devotee. I guess seeing my Guru Maharaja and these sannyasis laughing and dancing and having a blissful time made me a little jealous. Is that wrong to feel jealous? Or does it foster some desire within my heart to head towards that ideal life?