Moments of Illness

We all know this material world is a place of suffering. We've all experienced it first hand: birth, death, disease and old age. It's relentless and overwhelming at times. The so-called happiness we experience is nothing more than a momentary cessation of the constant suffering we endure. Happiness and distress are constantly moving and shifting, like the waves coming and going on a beach.

I'm currently experiencing some illness, which I've self diagnosed as a "head and chest cold". I seem to always be prone to sinus infections. Why is that when we're experiencing sickness, it feels as if there will be no end and no relief from it? Yet when we're healthy, we forget the misery of sickness and can't remember ever being ill? It seems no matter which condition we're in, we forget about the former.


This is nothing more than illusion. When asked what the most astonishing thing about life is, Yuddhistira Maharaja exclaimed that it was even though a person sees his father die and his grandfather die and his great grandfather die, etc., that he still thinks, "I will never die!" We live our daily lives either ignoring or denying the fact of death, the fact of this temporary nature of our present existence and experience. Just as this sickness comes without warning, so too will death come.

I like to look at illness as an opportunity to connect deeper with spiritual truths, to apply the philosophy into our practical experience. My dear god brother HH Bhakti Dhira Damodara Swami once told me that illness is Krishna's mercy, because it is purifying us, burning off bad karma, and accelerating our progress towards Krishna's lotus feet. Sometimes it's difficult to appreciate this kind of realization when one is suffering intensely, both physically and mentally. But as aspiring devotees it is our duty to perceive suffering in this way, even if we can't genuinely appreciate the sufferings like Queen Kunti did. We are not so advanced to pray for the suffering and calamities to come, but we can be advanced enough to at least theoretically understand them as Krishna's mercy and to use them to intensify our devotion and focus on Krishna Conscious philosophy.

It is inevitable that my current illness will in time pass. It is also inevitable that my healthy state will also pass yet again. As Krishna advises Arjuna in the Bhagavad-gita, we must simply tolerate the appearance of happiness and distress, just as the passing of the seasons. This state of equipoise and transcendence echoes the consciousness of the Avanti brahmana. It is a full awareness of the Self as distinct from the experiences of the mind and senses. It is this type of awareness or Krishna Consciousness that we must aspire for. Otherwise our devotional practices are all for show. If we're not experiencing a genuine transformation of consciousness and of the heart, then what is the value of even calling myself a devotee?

Gurudeva, please give me this ability and vision to remain equipoised in happiness and distress. Please allow me to never forget Krishna, even amidst the greatest sufferings or the greatest pleasures. This material world is transitory and ephemeral. Please allow me to remain fixed in my true Self and to never lose focus of the goal, which is unconditional love for Krishna, for that is the only goal which will end all suffering.