Brahmacaris, Celibacy and Sex Life

*WARNING!*

DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY THE DISCUSSION OF SEXUAL TOPICS. THE COMIC STRIP I HAVE POSTED HERE AND THIS BLOG ENTRY ARE OF A SEXUAL NATURE.

I created the following comic strip entitled "Brahmacari Blues" to address an oft-not discussed topic: brahmacari's dealing with sex desire. In my personal experience of 7 years as a celibate, brahmacari monk, the last 3 of those years was fraught with sex desire and doubts about the path I was on. But it always seemed like the topic of sex and masturbation just wasn't something you talked about with your fellow monks. And it was also something you dare not discuss with anyone else for fear of judgement or ridicule. Yet I wonder how many other brahmacaris that I was with and that I met in my journeys were also silently struggling with sex desire? And what to speak of brahmacaris, how many devotees in general are struggling with controlling sex desire?

The topic of sex life just seems to be one of those things that many devotees don't feel comfortable talking about. And obviously there has to be some sense of chastity, privacy and appropriateness in its discussion. But it just seems like if more devotees were open and honest about it, then there wouldn't be so much guilt, feelings of failure or feelings of isolation. If someone thinks, "Well gee...every other devotee is so happy and blissfully engaged in chanting and rendering their service. I must be the only one struggling with sex desire and chanting my rounds!" then obviously there will be feelings of alienation, despair and lacking.

In this comic strip a brahmacari is happily leading a kirtan down a city street. Then he encounters visions that are not uncommon in today's society: ads and images of sex. He tries his best to not dwell on them, but then the kirtan party encounters two scantily clad and well-endowed women on the beach. His mind and focus are disturbed. Later that evening he dreams of sex life and experiences a "wet dream". He feels dejected and that he'll never become free of sex desire. Click on the image below to read it:


One of the greatest forces in this material world is sex desire. Arjuna asks Sri Krishna in the Bhagavad-gita, "O descendant of Vrsni, by what is one impelled to sinful acts, even unwillingly, as if engaged by force?" Sri Krishna replies, "It is lust only Arjuna, which is born of contact with the material modes of passion and later transformed into wrath, and which is the all-devouring, sinful enemy of the world." (Bhagavad-gita, Chap.3, verses 36-37).

We are driven by lust, which is characterized by selfishness and self-centered desires and pursuits. It makes us do things without thinking of the consequences.

Srila Prabhupada says in his purport to the 39th verse of the third chapter in the Bhagavad-gita:

"It is said in the Manu-smrti that lust cannot be satisfied by any amount of sense enjoyment, just as fire is never extinguished by a constant supply of fuel. In the material world, the center of all activities is sex, and thus this material world is called maithunya-agara, or the shackles of sex life. In the ordinary prison house, criminals are kept within bars; similarly, the criminals who are disobedient to the laws of the Lord are shackled by sex life. Advancement of material civilization on the basis of sense gratification means increasing the duration of the material existence of a living entity. Therefore, this lust is the symbol of ignorance by which the living entity is kept within the material world. While one enjoys sense gratification, it may be that there is some feeling of happiness, but actually that so-called feeling of happiness is the ultimate enemy of the sense enjoyer."

This is definitely a shocking view of sex life to those of us who have been brought up in a liberal, modern society that promotes sexual activity and promiscuity. Our culture is becoming more and more sexualized and it's reflected in the dress, attitudes and activities of pre-teens and teenage pregnancy.

Sexual energy is one of the most powerful material energies. Lord Vishnu even displayed it to bewilder the mind of Lord Shiva. As Srila Prabhupada says in a Srimad Bhagavatam purport (8.12.16):

"Lord Siva's desiring to see Lord Vishnu reveal the most attractive and beautiful form of a woman was certainly a joking affair. Lord Siva knew that he could not be agitated by any so-called beautiful woman. "The Daityas may have been bewildered," he thought, "but since even the demigods could not be agitated, what to speak of me, who am the best of all the demigods?" However, because Lord Siva wanted to see Lord Vishnu's form as a woman, Lord Vishnu decided to impersonate a woman and show him a form that would immediately put him in an ocean of lusty desires."

There are many more examples in the Srimad Bhagavatam of how sex desire brought down many a great sage and yogi. And we know even in modern times that many so-called spiritual and material leaders have fallen prey to unrestricted sex desire and scandal.

So we know that it is lusty, selfish desire that propels us towards sexual activity. Why is it so enticing and attractive? It's because of the pleasure we experience from it. Srila Prabhupada also explains this pleasure in a purport from Srimad Bhagavatam (2.6.8):

"The genitals and the pleasure of begetting counteract the distresses of family encumbrances. One would cease to generate altogether if there were not, by the grace of the Lord, a coating, a pleasure-giving substance, on the surface of the generative organs. This substance gives a pleasure so intense that it counteracts fully the distress of family encumbrances. A person is so captivated by this pleasure-giving substance that he is not satisfied by begetting a single child, but increases the number of children, with great risk in regard to maintaining them, simply for this pleasure-giving substance.

This pleasure-giving substance is not false, however, because it originates from the transcendental body of the Lord. In other words, the pleasure-giving substance is a reality, but it has taken on an aspect of pervertedness on account of material contamination. In the material world, sex life is the cause of many distresses on account of material contact.

Therefore, the sex life in the material world should not be encouraged beyond the necessity. There is a necessity for generating progeny even in the material world, but such generation of children must be carried out with full responsibility for spiritual values. The spiritual values of life can be realized in the human form of material existence, and the human being must adopt family planning with reference to the context of spiritual values, and not otherwise.

The degraded form of family restriction by use of contraceptives, etc., is the grossest type of material contamination. Materialists who use these devices want to fully utilize the pleasure potency of the coating on the genitals by artificial means, without knowing the spiritual importance. And without knowledge of spiritual values, the less intelligent man tries to utilize only the material sense pleasure of the genitals."

We know from scientific evidence that this "coating" on the genitals is nothing more than a higher density of nerve endings. When these nerve endings are stimulated there is a release of chemicals in the brain known as endorphins. These endorphins give us a sense of pleasure, happiness and euphoria. In other words, material ecstasy. Sexual stimulation is one of the most powerful forms of sense gratification and pleasure in the material world. In one sense, it's no different than becoming addicted to any other form of chemically-based sense gratification, like drugs, alcohol, etc. And from a higher perspective, ALL sense gratification is nothing more than an experience of chemical stimulation in our brains.

So what do we do with this sex desire? Stephen Knapp (Srinandanandana Das) has written an excellent article on this topic. You can read it here:

http://www.stephen-knapp.com/becoming_free_from_sex_desire.htm

It's a dense read, but well worth the time to consume and reflect upon.

Will I Ever Cry for Krishna?

Just a couple days ago, while reading H.H. Radhanath Swami's autobiography, I was reflecting on what makes one person so dedicated and focused on the path of bhakti, while another person is weak, lazy and unfocused? We see in every religion that there are different types of worshippers or practitioners. Some people are very devout; never missing a service, chanting, praying, strictly following their scriptures, etc. At the same time, someone in the same religion could be full of hypocrisy, have no morals, rarely attend their church or temple or mosque, etc., but they still adhere to their beliefs and faith. Maybe sometimes a person is sincere, but just weak in their faith. In other instances perhaps they were just born into their religion, so they just follow the externals because it's socially expected of them.

Even within the Gaudiya-Vaishnava theology we have different levels of devotee, i.e. - the kanistha, the madhyam and the uttama-adhikaris. We're all at different levels of spiritual advancement and realization. We're all engaging in devotional service for our own reasons, just as in other religions, people are following their beliefs for their own reasons. We all have some kind of motivation for adhering to our particular faith or belief.

As we're trudging along on the path of bhakti, we constantly have to take self inventory. When self analysis and reflection stop, so does our advancement. I've noted in myself that when I become complacent, lazy or disinterested in my devotional life that I have so much more stress, anxiety and depression. If we take a break from chanting or hearing or associating with more advanced Vaishnavas, then the material modes of nature and maya will devour us. Our minds and senses will take full control. We can't be careless or whimsical on this path of devotion. It truly is a science and if we want the results we have to follow it properly.

Still, knowing what is to be done, why does this desire not arise within my heart? Why do I find it hard to be motivated to chant 16 rounds everyday? To study the sastras everyday? To run where higher Vaishnava association is available? Why do I find my mind still more attracted to sense gratification than to Krishna?

Even when I wore the saffron cloth of a brahmacari and had a shaven head and sikha, in those last few years in the temple I was losing taste for devotional service and for chanting. Where did that early enthusiasm and zeal disappear to? I used to jump so high in the kirtans and dance like a madman for the pleasure of the Deities and my Guru Maharaja, but now I'm a wallflower, standing in the background and softly clapping my hands. I used to be so eager to preach and share Krishna with others by going out on book distribution or sankirtan. So what happened? How did I go from fixed up a brahmacari to a struggling fringy?

I was speaking with one devotee a couple weeks ago and he was saying that since Krishna Consciousness is a science, that when something is going wrong in your devotional life then it means you're not following something properly. He was saying how offenses in devotional service can stifle one's progress. Perhaps it was because of my accumulated offenses to my Guru Maharaja, to the Deities and to the devotees that ultimately I lost all taste for the devotional process and left the temple to pursue a materialistic, self-absorbed existence.

Maybe I wasn't humble enough. Maybe I wasn't surrendered enough. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Obviously the past can't be changed, nor is there any reason to dwell upon it. All we have is the present moment. And in this present moment I find myself at every second being given the choice to be Krishna Conscious or to be in maya. A few days ago I posted a Facebook update that said something like, "Jayadeva Dasa is wondering when his mind will remain fixed on the lotus feet of Sri Guru and Sri Krishna without diversion". Some people responded that it could be NOW if I wanted it to be. And it's so true. It's our desire that determines our consciousness.

I always come full circle with this kind of thinking. If we desire to be Krishna Conscious then we'll be Krishna Conscious. Well what if we don't have the desire? Then associate with those who do! And if you don't have the desire to even pursue that kind of association, then pray to Guru and Krishna to attain it. We are definitely mercy cases in this kali yuga. How unfortunate I am that I have come this close the ocean of bhakti-yoga, yet I am unable to dive deeply into it. Due to my weak mind and desires for sense gratification I cannot enter deeply into the mysteries of bhakti. I cannot experience those higher states of realization, awareness and love.

By the grace of Srila Prabhupada and our Gurus we know what the process is. We know what is to be done...yet we find ourselves unable or uninterested. As the great Vaishnava poets might say, "Alas! Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and Sri Nityananda Prabhu have descended on this earth to drown every living entity in the ocean of pure love for God, yet I am so unfortunate that not even a drop of this love has touched me!"

We have to become eager for Krishna Consciousness. We have to long for it, desire it and cry for it. We have to understand its importance and urgency. We have to feel empty and void without it. Without such feeling we will always give in to the maya, give in to the sense gratification, give in to our lower, material natures. If we don't think we're in danger, we'll never cry out to the Lord and as Srila Prabhupada has said, one has to chant the Holy Name as a child in distress cries out for their mother or father.

My dear Guru Maharaja, please give me this gift of being able to sincerely and humbly cry for Krishna's mercy, love and service. It is through this intense eagerness and crying that I will be able to remain fixed on the path of devotional service and to always make the right choices and pass all the tests.

When Considered in the Face of Death

Have you ever taken one of those naps where you wake up and you feel discombobulated? Like you don't know where you are or what time it is and somehow everything feels foreign and somewhat unreal? I haven't had the experience lately, but I can remember the sensation. It makes me realize how this life is temporary and that I'm going to die one day.

Every now and then as I'm going through my daily routines and duties I'm interrupted by the thought, "What is the point of all of this?" And then it made me realize: when we weigh something against the reality of death, it really puts it into perspective. How much value will my BA in Art Education have as I'm laying on my death bed? How much will it matter that I helped people make copies at Staples?

And then it hits me: the only things that are important at the time of death are the things that we did selflessly to help, heal or uplift someone else. A life of service is a life well lived. How proud will I be laying there dying and thinking how I wasted my life in self-absorbed activities and thoughts and desires for sense gratification and personal enjoyment? When you think about it, it's actually embarrassing and shameful.

Those activities and thoughts and desires will do nothing but guarantee our rebirth in another material body in this miserable material world. So how can I live for others? How can I live a fulfilled life of trying to help and assist other living beings?

This was and still is one of my greatest struggles in devotional life. I can't seem to find that switch to flip to become selfless. My Guru Maharaja, H.H. Bhakti Tirtha Swami Maharaja, wrote in my copy of Spiritual Warrior 2:

"Lust attacks us on the gross and subtle levels. We will always be defeated unless we become truly selfless. Yours in the struggle for unconditional love."

And one time he said to me (after asking him how I can become more selfless), "Do you realize you keep asking the same question over and over? You might want to take a look at that." His point was that he kept giving me the answer, but I wasn't applying it. The way we become selfless is by simply being selfless! Another time I had said to him (paraphrasing), "Guru Maharaja, you're traveling all over the world in spite of your poor health. How do you do it?" He smiled that wide smile of his and replied, "Jayadeva, you think about your self too much!"

The secret to a truly happy, fulfilled and blessed life is to be genuinely selfless. Being genuinely selfless means doing things for others joyfully, willfully and with real love, compassion and concern. I sometimes thought I was being selfless as my Guru Maharaja's personal servant and secretary. After all, I was sometimes not eating, barely sleeping, sitting for long hours dictating emails, cleaning, doing Deity seva, serving, etc. So externally it appeared that I was very selfless and surrendered. But my Gurudeva knew my heart and one time in New Vrindavan he said to me, "You're doing all this service, but internally you're just angry and resentful." It caught me off guard, because I didn't realize I was giving off such a strong vibe with my energy, but it was completely true. I was never happy as his personal servant, because I was too self-absorbed and thinking about how I was miserable and tired or hungry or whatever. I just wanted to be relaxing and spacing out. I didn't want the stress and pressure of being that close to my Guru.

So externally we can appear to be very selfless, doing so many things for others, but internally harboring that resentment, anger and frustration. That's not the kind of selflessness that will make us happy. It will make us bitter and miserable. I believe that's part of the reason I couldn't remain as a brahmacari as well. It was a fake and forced sort of surrender; not a genuine, heartfelt reality.

So I left the temple and dove right back into the inviting waters of maya and I enjoyed my selfish pursuits and endeavors for material happiness. But after some time it made me feel empty and depressed. I expressed this to my Guru Maharaja to which he replied that living a life devoid of devotional service is "so damn boring". And it's true. A life without devotional service to the Vaishnavas, Guru and Krishna is so empty and pointless. Those are truly the only things that matter at the time of death. Everything else we've done and spent our time absorbed in will be evaporated and rendered meaningless by the touch of death.

Does that mean we all retire and move to Sri Vrindavan Dhama, because after all, everything else is just maya and a waste of time? Of course not. But it means we really have to find out how to cultivate a mood of selfless devotion within the activities of our daily life. If we're working some crappy retail job, we have to see how it's ultimately service to Guru and Krishna. It's not easy and I'm not claiming I'm at that level of devotional realization. I'm really just talking to myself here. If my activities and thoughts have no connection to Krishna, then what is their value? So I have to find some way of dovetailing everything I do into Guru and Krishna's service. Then, at the time of death, I won't feel like this life was completely wasted in pursuits of selfish sense gratification.

The Certainty of Uncertainty

I've been reflecting the past few days on how everything in our experiences, both material and spiritual are continuously changing. Sometimes though things seem like they will never change. This can either be a blessing or a curse, depending on the situation and circumstances. If we're happily in love with someone, that love and those feelings can seem like they'll never stop; like we'll always feel that kind of blissful love for the other person. In this regard, the feeling like it will never change is a blessing. Of course we know that after the initial "honeymoon" phase or when the relationship becomes more serious that things do in fact change. There will be conflicts, doubts, arguments, etc.

Conversely, we could be in a very bad situation. Perhaps our health is very poor. It may feel like we'll always be sick and that we'll never feel better. Of course we know that after some time our health returns to normal and we're able to enjoy life again.

This is the nature of material experience: it's constantly changing. Situations may seem like they're lasting forever, but they won't. Nothing here in the material world lasts forever. And yet we completely deny this fact by trying to arrange our lives in such a way that we can be in the illusion that our lives will never change. We follow routines and make habits to make things predictable and controllable.

When we wake up in the morning, we're certain that we're going to follow the same routine. We're certain the shower will turn on and hot water will come out. We're certain our coffee maker will work. We're certain our hands and legs will move. We're certain that our car will start. When something doesn't go as planned or is out of our normal routine, we panic or become angry or frustrated. Why is that? Because it reminds us that we're not in control. It reminds us that at any moment our fabricated, certain and assured existence can come crashing down into uncertainty, unpredictability and chaos.

Ultimately, when things don't go as planned or when we can't change things or control things the way we think they should be, it really reminds us of our insignificance and mortality. As rebellious souls, we don't want to be reminded of these things!

The fact is that we have no ultimate control. The fact is that even though we don't want to die, we will. The fact is that even though we don't want things to change, they will. There is great certainty to the uncertainty of our lives. The greatest illusion is to think that we are in control and that we are making things happen. The more we fight against this reality, the more miserable we'll become. The Taoists are really on to something when they talk about going with the flow of existence.

We can't fight change and we can't change that which is out of our control. Even the election of Obama proved that things are constantly changing. George W. Bush couldn't remain as the President of the United States forever. It may have seemed like a long time to some people (and not long enough for others), but the fact is things changed.

When we are surrendered to God (Krishna) we are not anxious about the uncertainty of our lives. We are not concerned about trying to control things. We are not concerned about the changes that will come. There is an inner calm, an inner peace and an inner knowingness that Krishna is there and protecting us. When we are truly calm and quiet in our minds and existing in the present moment we can feel that presence. But in order to get to that state of mind, we have to let go. And as rebellious souls, we don't want to let go.

Chanting in Times of Distress and Suffering

Isn't it ironic that when we're experiencing the highest degree of material suffering, anxiety and despair that we have an increased interest in chanting the Holy Name of Sri Krishna? Isn't Queen Kunti our ideal in the way that she prayed to Sri Krishna for more and more calamities and suffering if it would be the cause of her remembering Krishna? It's a fact that when we're suffering we naturally cry out for help. But what about those times when the suffering and distractions are so great that it actually has the reverse effect? In other words, what if our suffering causes us to lose faith in Krishna and in chanting the Holy Name?

Sometimes when everything is going wrong and you're completely bogged down by the weight of material responsibilities and obligations there's no time and no room to think of Krishna. More importantly there's no interest in chanting Krishna's Holy Names. If we've spent all day at work dealing with difficult people and we come home and have to clean and cook and spend time with our family, then by the evening time we just want to lay down and "space out" by watching TV or surfing the Internet. But why isn't our relaxation time filled with chanting the Holy Name and connecting with Krishna? Why do we have no interest for that after being bombarded by the material energy all day long?

The thing that is so difficult for us to grasp is that it's really only the Holy Name and the nine processes of bhakti that will help us! Our favorite TV show won't help us. Our favorite flavor of ice cream won't help us. Facebook won't help us. All of these material distractions will simply be that: distractions. It will momentarily divert us from the suffering we experienced during the day, but it's just like any other sense gratification in the mode of the passion: in the beginning it's pleasurable, but in the end it's the cause of further misery and suffering.

Our only cure and our only shelter is the Holy Name of Sri Krishna. But we're resistant. We don't want to surrender to the Name. We don't want to sit for an hour or two chanting on our beads. We don't want to spend an hour or two reading the Srimad Bhagavatam. We think, "How will that possibly help my situation? How will that possibly make me happy right now?"

The fact is that the more time we spend absorbed in our illusory, temporary problems and miseries and false identities, the more and more miserable we'll become. It's a fact. The happiest people in the world are those that spend more time thinking about and assisting others rather than them selves. My guru maharaja tried to hammer this point into my thick skull over and over again, but I was (and still am) so dull that I can't grasp it, can't appreciate it. By taking the time to chant the Holy Name and read the sastras, we're taking the focus off of our self. We're making it about Krishna's pleasure, not our own. And as conditioned jivas with demonic propensities, that's a difficult pill to swallow. "Krishna's pleasure? Guru's pleasure? Preposterous!"

So here I am in my own particular experience and existence, facing the onslaught of the material energy. There is so much stress to face from work, school, relationships, our health, etc. Everyone has their own individualized "suffering plan" and everyone's level of suffering is subjective. In other words, someone may think my suffering is not so bad compared to a starving child in Africa, but given the context and circumstances of the situations, the stress levels can be the same. Stress and suffering are all around us and every living entity is suffering to some degree or another. If we want to end the suffering, we have to end the illusion. To end the illusion we have to chant the Holy Name of Krishna. It's the only means of developing our detachment from this temporary, material identity and developing our attachment to our eternal, spiritual self in relation to God (Krishna).

For some reason we go on in the illusion, go on in our suffering, accepting it as the only reality, the only truth. But when we genuinely transcend our lower, material nature and transcend the platform of the mind, we find the real truth and that truth is beautiful. We get so caught up in the day to day, in our individual "suffering plans" that we forget this is all temporary and not our real, permanent situation.

Krishna is sitting here right next to us. He's simply waiting for us to turn towards Him and call out His Holy Name. But we're so stubborn, lazy and unfortunate that we can't even muster the desire to do so.

What Would Rupa Goswami Do?

I feel like I haven't written in this blog in ages. My life has been a blur of activity: work, school, house-sitting, hospitalization for a migraine, social functions, etc. these past couple of months. Even now I'm dealing with my old arch-nemesis: a sinus infection/head cold. Somehow through it all I've still been trying to think of Krishna and devotional service.

When we came back from Sri Vrindavan Dhama I was riding the high horse of inspiration and enthusiasm. I had re-acquired that rare and elusive taste for chanting the Holy Name and had again taken up the chanting of 16 rounds a day. It lasted a good month or month and a half before the madness of work and school caught up with me. At times it was a challenge, as I would find myself sitting up late at night trying to finish all of my rounds, but I had a deep conviction that inspired me to do it. I was feeling reciprocation from Sri Guru and Sri Gauranga through devotional dreams at night.

But it's been gone for awhile now and I'm back in the same funk and struggle. Work at the Staples copy center has been a new hell unlike any hell I have had to experience in quite some time. Granted, it's not as hellish as the experience of getting malaria in Nigeria, but it's an emotional stressor for sure. I don't even want to get into why it's so stressful, but just imagine non-stop people coming up to you with demands and getting angry at you when you can't fulfill their demands instantaneously. It's one person with their demands after another.

So anyway, there's all of that stress from work. Fortunately this school semester has been one of my lightest loads thus far in my academic career and my co-op teaching has been a better experience than last semester. So I'm grateful for that. I don't know why I'm such an easily stressed out person. I like when things are predictable and uneventful. I like when there's nothing to do. I like staying at home and being indoors. I like habit and routine. I guess that's why I get so stressed out when there's a lot of change or inconveniences.

Anyway, all of that to say that's why I haven't been blogging much. It's one of those things that isn't really a priority in my life at this time. But here I sit in the library with about an hour to spare (we got out of class early) and figured this was as good a time as any to finally write something.

I wanted to talk about this photo image that I created in Photoshop:

I took it from the famous image of Srila Rupa Goswami. A devotees initial response may be, "Well this is totally offensive! What blasphemy! What sacrilege!" But my intention behind this image isn't offensiveness. It's to trigger within us the thought, "Rupa Goswami would never watch TV, listen to an iPod and drink Starbucks!" We instantly and instinctually know, "This isn't proper Vaishnava behavior." It's an incompatible image with our knowledge of Rupa Goswami. At the same time, we have to question why isn't it an incompatible consideration when we see one of our devotee peers engaging in such activity?

This of course brings us to the main reflection of this post: the expectations of the various levels of Vaishnava devotees. We know there are kanisthas, madhyamas and uttamas. There are different kinds of devotees at different levels of realization and advancement. As progressive, aspiring devotees we have to constantly analyze where we are and where we're heading. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur has written the poem "Vaishnava Ke? (What kind of Vaishnava are you?)", which you can read in its entirety here:

http://nitaaiveda.com/All_Scriptures_By_Acharyas/Bhaktisiddhanta_Sarasvati_Thakura/Vaishnava_Ke.htm

At one point in the poem, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta says:

"The pure devotee acts in Krishna consciousness without attachment to the objects of the senses, remaining conscious of his relationship as the eternal servitor of Lord Krishna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. The pure devotee is fixed in his attachment to rendering pure devotional service to the Lord and thus he sees all apparently material objects of sense enjoyment as non-different divine energies of Lord Madhava (Krishna), ie. they are seen in terms of how they can be utilized in the devotional service to Lord Madhava (Krishna) and not according to their material sense-gratificatory value."

This is of course the highest level of devotional service (uttama-adhikari). As an eternal associate of the Lord, we know that Srila Rupa Goswami, if he were manifest today, would have nothing to do with watching TV (unless perhaps it had some connection with serving and giving pleasure to Krishna and the devotees).

This is the entire crux of our problem as neophyte devotees: we rarely perform activities for the service of Sri Guru and Sri Krishna and ever rarer are our thoughts focused on the pleasure of Guru and Krishna. This is why there is a disconnect between our material activities/thoughts and our devotional activities/thoughts. We're still doing things based on personal sense-gratification and not on selfless seva. There is still too much of our selves in the factor.

We then develop this sort of split-personality. We have our devotional selves and our materialist selves and we switch back and forth between these roles depending on the need and the situation. At devotee functions or programs we turn into the "Jaya, Haribol prabhu!" personality and when we're working at our karmi jobs we become "one of the guys or gals" and talk about mundane topics. When we're inspired we chant our rounds (or a couple) and read the Srimad Bhagavatam, but when we become bored of it, we watch a non-devotional movie or eat some (bhoga) corn chips or listen to a Neil Diamond song. We're too back-and-forth in our consciousness and our desires.

Obviously this is from being in the lower stages of devotional service. There is weakness of faith, weakness of heart and weakness of enthusiasm. That has to come from the higher association, but our will is so weak that it's hard to even muster the strength or desire to search out higher association. We become complacent and lazy in our stagnation and we see no urgency, no need to move beyond it.

Death is sneaking up on all of us. Time is passing by relentlessly. Yet we get so caught up in the stressors and anxieties of the (illusory) present that we forget this life isn't the all-in-all. We forget that our temporary families, friends, work, money, jobs, etc. will all be gone in the blink of an eye. They are not the goal. They're just traveling along with us on the path towards eternity and genuine love for God.

So when we look at that image of Srila Rupa Goswami watching TV, drinking Starbucks and listening to an iPod we can say to ourselves, "That's not the ideal. Srila Rupa Goswami wouldn't do these things. I should also aspire for that state of consciousness where these things are unnecessary distractions to that flow of loving and serving Krishna. I should aspire for that level where Srila Rupa Goswami resides: in pure, unconditional, unmotivated loving devotional service."

Of course that's not to say that these things can't be utilized in the service of Krishna. TV can be used to watch Krishna Conscious programs or to broadcast Krishna Conscious messages. An iPod can be filled with Srila Prabhupada's lectures and various devotional bhajans and videos. And Starbucks can be used to...well, uh...hmm...maybe it could help keep a devotee awake late at night as they're driving the sankirtan van. :^) The point is that it's all about our consciousness and intention behind the activity.

So this is pretty much where I'm at in my "Krishna Consciousness" at the moment. I'm back to the struggle of finding my devotional self. I'm back to the struggle of supremacy between my material self and my devotional self. I'm back to the struggle of finding some taste in chanting the Holy Name. I'm back to the struggle of trying to break out of my stagnation and complacency/apathy.

He Krishna! He Nitai! He Gurudeva! Please don't let me get lost in the mire of worldly, self-centered existence!

My dear Srila Rupa Goswami, please give me a drop of your mercy and lead me to the path of pure, selfless devotion. That devotion is your wealth and property. With a drop of your mercy I can push aside all of these unnecessary distractions and impediments and come to the stage of unmotivated, uninterrupted devotional service. This is the greatest goal and the greatest wealth in all of existence. Without the mercy of the Vaishnavas this will be impossible to attain.

What the Kermit...?!

"A global team of researchers has estimated that the international trade in frog meat represents 200 million to 1 billion frogs eaten each year, or about 11,000 tons of frog meat."
So that's what's been bothering Kermit so much! That little factoid came from this article:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28876555/wid/18298287/?GT1=45002

1,000,000,000 frogs...killed and eaten every year. Say whaaaat?! I don't really have any profound Krishna Conscious realizations on this. It's just crazy and I had to share it.

I currently have no time to blog, but if I did these are the topics I'd write about (as I get ideas I jot them down onto a piece of paper):

1. "Our Eternal Business" - Examining what our real business is here in the material world, which incidentally isn't working at a retail office supply store.

2. "When Krishna Becomes Our Necessity" - So many other things in life become so-called necessities, when in reality they're just temporary distractions from our main purpose and goal in life. When Krishna becomes our main necessity, all other things fall into place.

3. "Japa Irony" - Japa is supposed to be the easy process and path to Krishna-prema, but then why is it so hard and so many devotees struggle with it?! And why are there tons of seminars, workshops and books about the topic of improving japa if it's supposed to be so easy and sublime? Seems like hard work to me. In this blog musing I would analyze both sides of the japa bead.

4. "That Which We Do Not Speak Of" - This blog entry would have a disclaimer at the top that if you don't want to talk about sex, then don't continue reading. This is an entry I've been wanting to write for months now, ever since I started this thing. I even have images that I made in Photoshop a long time ago to use for this entry. It'd basically be all about sex and being a devotee.

5. "The Great Coffee Debacle" - A look at devotees' justifications for following some regs and not others. What's the psychology behind it? And if we break one reg, what keeps us from breaking the others?

6. "Cultivating the Internal" - Sometimes we get caught up in the externals of the devotional process to the point that our internal cultivation becomes stagnate or non-existent. Without genuine, internal cultivation of surrender, selflessness and devotional consciousness we will very easily fall from the path of bhakti. Being a true Vaishnava isn't just about wearing a dhoti or sari, wearing tilak and saying, "Jaya. Haribol, prabhu". It's about a transformation of the heart and consciousness.

7. "Even Heidi Klum's Farts Stink" - This could possibly be interrelated with the sex topic, as it's a look at the superficial nature of material beauty and the reality that lies beneath.

8. "The Nectar for Which We Are Always Anxious" - We all want pleasure and sense gratification, yet no matter how much we indulge in it and give in to the mind's and senses' demands, we find ourselves empty and miserable. So why do we still settle for it? And what will really satisfy us on a deeper level?

As you can see, it could take me days to write all of these. I just don't have the time to sit and write, write, write. And when I do have the time, I don't have the motivation. Such a paradox. Ah, well. Let us just go on chanting Hare Krishna.